Rare in Brand New Me

I’m not going to post much.

I haven’t even been writing in my diary every day anymore.
Mainly because I’m not in that place anymore and I have access to my phone and the internet and stuff. Plus I don’t have him around me anymore. He didn’t call me this week. I don’t know why. I don’t know if he’s still in that place. I won’t be surprised if he isn’t. Maybe he needed a cigarette so bad and left and ended up getting high. Maybe died. Or his mother let him live with him again. I don’t know. Maybe he’s with someone else and got me thinking he’s in some treatment program still. Maybe he thinks I’ll eventually get over him within time.
That’s never happened since the day I met him. Even when we weren’t talking to each other. I still wrote about him in my diary. There was still moments we messed with each other and for things to have become “serious” between us I would only hope this is all real. I would only hope everything he told me is how he really feel. I would only hope he believes me when I said I’ll still by his side as he goes through it all. I plan on loving him forever. I just want him to give me a reason to. I want him. I want him in my life. I want to have a life WITH him. In the way I’m expecting it to be. I want it to be the way he’s letting me think it’ll be. I hate doubting everything. I want to believe this is real. I want to believe that he truly want me and feel the way he’s said about me. I really don’t want him to mess up again. I want him to do all the things he said he will do for me his family and finally FOR HIMSELF.

I miss him. I want to hear his voice. I want to see him. I want to feel his touch.
I want his silliness. I want his love.

Last updated November 22, 2020