Monday Poisoning in Current Events

My patience is about as thin as my new hairline. It’s always been my toxic trait. Zen and I are not friends. Nothing wants to cooperate with me today and it is driving me crazy because I literally have to do the same things over and over again to try and get different results. These tasks are absolutely nothing to be stressed about. My computer decided this morning to have down syndrome. Pardon my political incorrectness, let’s pretend it’s 2010 and nobody is a leftist level snowflake yet. (Shoutout to the remaining true liberals, you’re an endangered species.) The websites I need to access are fighting with me. Also, I need to make a payment for my storage locker and now I can’t find the documents that I need to set that up online. I’m living out of three suitcases which are beside a laundry hamper in the corner of a musky basement that smells like the cat’s litterbox. That’s my whole world right there. I couch surf between two couches in this house depending on where everybody else is. This is my situation during this transfer of wealth, I mean pandemic. I need to be brave and protect myself from income to save lives. People only have a 99.9% chance of survival if they catch con-19.

I did win my fight applying for CRB this morning, I’m just fighting a stupid tiny battle to pay a bill now. This house is always full. I have nowhere to put my documents, I leave them in my car but the storage locker one was not in there. I remember that I placed it on the table a couple of months ago and now it’s gone. These people can’t even leave my little corner alone in the basement, they keep shuffling around my suitcases and my dirty laundry. I don’t know why but the thought of someone touching my laundry makes me so angry. It feels intimate, I feel violated. As the UN’s leading crisis actor Greta Thunberg once said, How dare you! Sharing laundry rooms in apartments always added stress because it made me feel threatened because people would literally touch my laundry. I would obsess over the timing and still fail. Of course, none of these issues exist outside of me, per se. I need to calm the fuck down. Everything is generated from within. I look calm on the outside but inside I’m basically borderline personality disorder. I can’t even get a hold of the storage locker company over the phone. I was sure that I was supposed to receive the first month for free. Oh! Do you know what I hate? Call this colonizer energy but pressing one for broken English makes me want to rip the last of my hair out. I promise you that I am respectful and patient on the surface when that happens. At no point do I ever become a Karen. My city is multicultural on steroids so there is no accent too thick for me and I love every single one of them in person. I am well aware that speaking perfect English is not a measure of intelligence and I defend anyone who is being put down because of their English. This makes me feel like a hypocrite, a leftist if you will because when I need to call a big company and go through that labyrinth of press 1 for this or that my patience just melts by the time I reach someone. I just want something simple to be easy and broken English is harder over the phone because for some reason it is my Eglish that is not being understood. I talk slow, I talk calm because I just want to get those conversations over with and it absolutely does not feel good to hurt someone else’s feelings… unless it’s a leftist on Twitter. They’re chronically offended, those interactions are dead on arrival. They want you to offend them because that is their narcissist supply. They get to use it to justify why the world is so cruel to them and it makes them feel special. I’m just happy to help. It’s my public service on socialist media.

I need to take a lesson from an entry I wrote a couple of days ago. I started my day off by being grateful for my soul fam. I absolutely have the capacity to emotionally connect to something I can be grateful for. When I started off that day with being grateful for something it really did add to my day. I should do that shit more often because what I am doing today, already, is taking inventory of everything I do not like. Being a leftist is my default setting after all. My New Years resolution, should I not die in the vaccine holocaust is to not attack what I hate in the world but add what I love.

In a world where there are no coincidences, my soul fam online has been pretty impactful. It’s the only place, thus far, where I get to interact with other enlightened people. Enlightened people know that they don’t know shit. We’re all on a search for truth. That is what makes us feel alive. Beliefs are just conclusions we make about things that we do not know. Every time you make a conclusion you die a little on the inside. Remember being a kid and full of wonder? Humans don’t know anything about anything. We don’t know one single thing in its entirety, we only know how to use everything. The “enlightened ones” do not get stuck in shallow beliefs, we are on a journey and this allows us to operate on different paradigms of information and perspective. This makes us look unattached to the world to everyone else. Like we’re on a different planet or in some lala conspiracy land because we run on different sets of information. We are in the deep end.

I was just on the phone yesterday with my mother and I brought up something I was learning and she was rejecting all of it before I could even finish a sentence. I asked her why she had such a level of certainty that I was wrong before I could even finish a sentence and she didn’t have a sufficient answer. I promised her that I would not fight with her this time so I didn’t press her to produce a better answer. I don’t feel like I am picking a fight whenever we talk but she says that she hates that I keep trying to undermine everything she believes. This is called cognitive dissonance. This is why people get visceral if it doesn’t come from the news or an authoritative source. They believe it to be wrong. It’s a threat, our minds are lazy and it does not want to do any cognitive gymnastics. Changing your mind about something is tough stuff. Nobody stops to question why they have such a level of certainty about things they believe to be true. I just believe everything I read on the internet, according to her. No, I just question everything I’m told to believe. This makes me a crazy person to her. She’s in a cult and doesn’t even realize it. Cable news is a cult. They are worshipping media. Literally, the Greek goddess of illusion is Medea. The narrative is gospel and if you don’t obey then something bad will happen to non-believers. To climate change deniers, to anti-vaxxers to whatever else. I used to be that indentured in the program so I get it. It’s impossible to get her and people like her to do more than simulated thinking. The news is fake and they are emotionally hijacked. Fear is paralytic to our consciousness so this makes them programmed sheep. Medea could tell them that they need a 7 pm bedtime to save lives from con-19 and everyone would start virtue signalling bedtimes. They would have Save Lives Go To Sleep filters on their profile pictures. They would then believe people protesting it are immoral people. Blasphemers. Heretics that deserve being stoned to death in the streets. Calgary started mass arresting people fighting for the right to put food on their tables and the essential-workers are celebrating it. They would not have been team Anne Frank.

My soul fam is willing to exchange ideas, compete with ideas and we try and enrich each other’s knowledge. This is what I imagine the Greek philosophers did. Just get together and debate everything. We need to develop the ability to represent our beliefs. I was talking with Justin, a soul brother and I did notice that he holds back what he has to say. I get that. Nerve is not intrinsic, it is developable. We make ourselves vulnerable when we open up like that but we have to do it. It’s an adaptive system and we need to stress it so it can grow. We have to take the punches and rumble with each other. There are competing ideas, always and this is how we enrich both sides of an argument. You don’t know what you believe until you have to represent it in an argument. Everything is so polarized because we are no longer doing that. I had crippling social anxiety most of my life because I was afraid to be vulnerable. The solution was to just speak, not to hide and try and be the smallest presence in a room. This made me go along with everything because it made me feel safe. Now here I am, speaking blasphemy against Medea. Being ostracised, unfriended and attacked. The tradeoff is that I am now attracting people who think like me. My old self agreed to believe that I was to relate to people that looked like me. To relate to those who had identities similar to mine. I’ve transcended those identities, I was just called a race traitor the other day. I am a racist sympathizer for defending the egregious racism against Caucasians in the mainstream narrative. I protest the egregious racism toward POCs in the mainstream narrative as well. Medea likes to misrepresent information to indoctrinate POC’s into believing that they are victims. We are co-creators and Medea is disenfranchising people and taking away their narratives. The nature of human desire is expansion and that is an inside job. If we do not outgrow the limiting belief that we are our minds, body and emotions we will forever be chasing our tails in life. It’s not the content that isn’t working for us it is the context. Humanity needs to expand its consciousness and Medea is in the way.

Anyways, in this soul fam, we have a diverse set of knowledge and skills. I have one woman who sends me information on health and naturopathic medicine because that is what she is studying. I have one guy teaching me about money because I mentioned that our dollar is collapsing. I know nothing about currency, he is sending me in the right direction about that because during this transfer of wealth, I mean pandemic, both America and Canada are printing money to pay their bills. This is making our dollar worth less and their gold worth more. Their next stop to transfer wealth is in the digital economy. They’re already building the narrative that our power grids and various system are vulnerable. We should be investing in other currencies yesterday. I have one source saying to invest in cryptocurrency and my guy is telling me to invest in silver and to stay away from gold and cryptocurrency. Clearly, I know nothing like Jon Snow but I have time to learn what money actually is. Assuming I survive the vaccine holocaust and get an opportunity to apply that knowledge. Speaking of literature, there is another woman who has a strong history of studying languages. I was talking about some legal language and she chimed in to add value to the conversation. She used to translate the bible into other languages and English, to her, cannot adequately convey the messages in the bible because English acts like codes. English, to her, is a Chaos Magic Spell Crafting Matrix. Especially in the legal system. Define, DE = to take away from, remove. FINE = a sum of money to be paid; an end/termination or to be well/healthy; to be quality. To DEFINE anything we are to steal and destabilize the sum of its inherent wellness, stability and quality. English is a clusterfuck to her that way. I can’t imagine what the world looks like from her perspective but it must be quite the experience. A lot of them were already aware that we live under the UCC, Uniform Commercial Code and she is one of them. She pointed out how the bible made God a strawman. A fiction, everybody is worshipping two Gods. The Vatican tricked everyone into sinning. I mean, they already moved the Sabbath to the first day of the week so why not? My previous entry explains how the Vatican and Crown enslaved us a hundred years ago. Is it the British Empire that is alive and well or the Roman Empire that is alive and well? I dunno.

Yeah, I’m just all over the place in this entry. I’m going to try and call my storage locker and maybe someone will answer this time.

Last updated December 22, 2020