Still In A Mood in meh...

I’m not as whiney as I was. I think I have flipped over into anger, but I’m still in a mood.

I am a person who suffers in silence. Even if people come out of the wood work and say you can talk to me, I have a suspicion that it’s going to end in me being told to buck up.

At the end of the day, I’ve never been my own person. I know what I don’t want for myself, but I also don’t know what I want. I don’t know who I am meant to be.

It sucks to be someone who is multitalented, gifted in many ways, yet has no belief anything they do will satisfy them. I don’t know what I want.

The big picture is for me to be comfortable. To have a place that is a haven for my family some times. A place where I can have peace. To have to not worry about struggle.

I sit here in at this very moment concerned because I saw what they saw on the screen. I am having a second screening on my right breast. They did that part and now I have to wait because they have to do an ultrasound.
(Update: I’m fine. Have to come back in 6mos to make sure my boobs are just dense and unchanged.)

Had to have a conversation with someone I haven’t had sex with I a long time. After not having sex a long time myself, I was diagnosed with an STI. I haven’t had the S to T the I and I’m pissed. This I’ve been treated but I still had to tell him.

I don’t have my shit together and I talk a good game about my kids needing to have that, but that’s because I’m effed up and don’t want this life for them.

Meh.