And Like That ... 18.04.14 in Your Face

Just after complaining about not hearing from M in weeks, an email appears. He was responding to an email I had sent a week or so earlier, not the argumentative email, but a regular chit-chat email. He didn't say much, as usual, but responded to a few things I had said that I needed his opinion on. He ended with a short note about Ernie missing me, which I often wonder is his way of saying that he misses me. He's very good at expressing his feelings when it suits him, but once he clams up like this, he's near impossible to crack into again.

I am such a sucker. Like, seriously. He has treated me so badly, and yet a crappy email like that just wins me right over again. I suppose I'm just so invested in this relationship, and still feeling like we have so much to resolve, that I just refuse to give up on it. That's why I put up with him being non-responsive, keeping me in the dark, being emotionally neglectful. Time will only tell what the future has in store for us, but there is still an "us" until we both give up.

I'm not giving up.

I am dog sitting for my sister, just came over here today. I am still really irritated by a chesty cough, over a week since I fell ill. Hopefully I can rest up and finally shake the last of it.

Going to have pizza and ice cream with a couple of my guy friends tomorrow night.

Will take the Sunday morning class at the gym. I haven't been in a full week due to being sick, and I am cranky about missing it, and still paying for my membership. The membership is quite a reasonable price, but I don't like paying for something I don't use.

That said, I must record that I lost EIGHTY DOLLARS this week gambling, and I am ashamed about that. I have managed to track my emotional dips lately and have been able to force myself away from the temptation of gambling when I am feeling black. This week, however, I failed. What an idiot. I could do a lot with that amount of money.