Terms of Engagement. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

I think I forgot the value of such a forum. Romanticizing, and then remembering how toxic the chasing of attention is, especially in a world obsessed with likes.

But the virtue is there.

I quietly (at least I hope quietly) have been talking privately. The broad strokes. But what is there to say after that? It’s the code of conduct regarding of personal/private conversations. Whether it’s a PM or a text, there are expectations. Generally, if you text someone, you want a reply. And if you receive a text, generally you are expected to provide a reply.*

*prices and participation may vary

It’s not the “Hey, I’ll be there in five minutes.” Being so mundanely functional, doesn’t need a reply.

It is..... The mundanely emotional? It’s one thing to pour your heart out to a friend over a series of replies. It is quite another to text daily, “I woke up sad.” “Yup, still sad.” “Not as sad.” “Cried myself to sleep.” “Oooh, I had tacos today.” “Yup, still sad.” Unless the emotional transactions are mutual in some facet, such daily emotional dumps can’t be sustained.

On the other hand, if you see an entry that says “I feel like excrement”, you have no obligation to venture within. And even if you do, you have no obligation to say a word. And as the writer, we shouldn’t expect anyone to say anything. It is non-committal.

As a tangent, perhaps this is why I generally hate when humans I barely know, who are genuinely try to get to know me, ask me, “So, tell me about yourself.” Talk about being on the spot. Whether I’m 16 in some Jersey diner, or my current age talking to some 19 year old coworker, I hate it. I have years of life experience, which small or big facet would you like to tokenize** me as? They expect a response, you are expected to give it. Sheesh. I feel no shame in using the Barclay method - rehearsing what I’m going to say prior to a social occasion so I know how it sounds out loud. Nobody likes the “that sounded better in my head” moment, unless around safe friends you can laugh with.

**My dad was once dating this woman whose grandson is autistic. In itself, whatever. Problem is, he would always say, “Her autistic grandson, INSERTNAME....” Every time. Do I remember the kid is autistic? Okay, whatever. Do I remember the kid’s name? NOPE. That’s just one status effect (or characteristic) he has. If you want to call me “Weird Trekkie who drives stick and has a affinity for tacos” I wouldn’t exactly be offended, but I do have a name.

I think that covers it. I’m aware I may fall back into my style/habit of talking without actually talking, but it’s still cathartic. Speaking of cathartic, I’m going to try to write a scene in my nanonovel where MC1*** talks to MC3 about the randomness of sadness/depression.

***I want to have a main character named Hammer someday. So I can refer to them as MC Hammer.