that anxiety thing in A new start

We all have anxiety of some sort. Even if it is very minimal. Most the time mine is good.

Last week it hit hard. It hit in a bad way. I just wanted to run away and hide. I sit there going through all the music to find a song and never found the fitting song. The next day I was better. That election was a doosy. Certain songs can bring on that feeling but I know it wasn’t my music choice. It was the bs. I mean it’s not over yet but eventually it will be.

Oh it doesn’t help that I checked in on a friend. He is in prison. Set to be released in January. I want to see him. I miss him but also he is the one who my husband has the most issues with. Shortly after we got married we were having a hard time. Like he never gave me any attention, wait he still doesn’t, and I was needing it. The friend was willing to give me that attention. We never did anything physical. I guess I flirted which I know is a bad thing but whatever. He would have done it had I let him but no. I would still like to see him but have no way of telling him so.

Honestly I don’t think I was made to be monogomous. I tell my husband all the time if he wants to screw someone else just tell me first. It’s not cheating if I know. He wont.

After much searching I finally got my hamster the other day. It happened to be the same day my cat was put down. They are both about the same color. My hamster is a female though so she doesn’t get the name my cat had. I mean she could but no. My cat was 13 years old. He has had a lot of upper respiratory issues his whole life. A few years ago we think he had a stroke and never fully recovered. He took a turn for the worse and came to live with me. I don’t know what happened to him but he got a sore on his neck. He quickly lost a lot of fur around the site of the sore. I tried to keep it clean and it started weeping. Never bleeding. He started smelling, a sweet type smell. Never a rotting flesh smell but the wound grew. It was an open wound on his neck. He was barely eating. I called it. I said the time has come. I thought he may have been in pain as he kind of silently cried when he was touched. He was my oldest child. I should be getting him back, along with a pawprint, within the next week or two. Anyway back to the hamster. She has discovered her wheel and is running in it. I can hear it. My poor kids get to be a whole lot closer to it.

Everything is good right now. Just a little tired. Maybe it’s time for bath and bed.