“5 THINGS YOU CAN ONLY DO WHEN SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT SUDDENLY GOES ‘OFF-THE-GRID’” in “LIFE IN THE TIMES OF CORONA: On A Mass Exile”

First of all, this is not always ghosting. Believe me, it’s not always what you may think. Either way, it’s up to you how to react to this.

This Covid-19 pandemic has left many of us feeling more vulnerable than we may have assumed that we would. Some of us may start checking on those we care about. How affected are they by this pandemic? Are they okay?

This isn’t just about some long-distant relationships. This could happen to your friends and family too – or people you’ve already considered family. At first, they’ve been easy to reach online, even when they live so far away from you.

Then suddenly, they’re off the grid. No idea why, since somehow they choose not to tell you – or perhaps anyone for that matter. What are you going to do? Here are the five (5) things you can only do when someone you care about suddenly goes ‘off-the-grid’:

Don’t panic.

I know, it’s easier said than done. If they didn’t mean that much or never did to you, you’d probably be okay. You might even move on quickly.

I bet it’s a different story if they do. You may start freaking out. You start wondering what has gone wrong all along. It’s normal. You’re scared and you hate to lose them.

You have another choice, though. In fact, you have plenty. You always do. One of them is to not panic and assess the situation carefully.

Remember your last conversation with them.

What do you remember? Was there a fight? If there was, would it have been the reason they left (or choose to disappear)?

If they told you they’d been in trouble, you have a good reason to worry. You care about them.
How to reach out to them?

Leave a message…once in a while.

Maybe they’re okay. Maybe they just need some time away. This pandemic has shown more ugly sides of people too in the cyber-world. They can be really overwhelming.

They could be overwhelmed.

“Give them some space.”

That is sound advice. They are right; you should. Maybe you should not worry so much, no matter how much you care about them. Stop being hysterical (even on the inside) and so bloody paranoid.

However, it’s okay if you still want to leave them a message. Don’t badger them too much, though. Don’t be such an annoying stalker by sending them daily messages and such.

If they turn out to be just fine and that you have worried over nothing, you’ll only annoy the hell out of them. Once a month has to be enough.

Last but not least, keep your cool. Don’t fret; don’t expect too much. In fact, it’s even better if you expect absolutely nothing.

Never expect a quick reply too. Give them time. They might need it more than you know.

(Try to) keep yourself busy.

Alright, I get it. You care about them so much. You’ve had quite a history with them. Whatever.

However, you still have other things to do as well. Your world does not revolve around them and it shouldn’t. Life goes on. It doesn’t stop just to wait for their return.

It’s easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. If you were fine before you met them, then you’ll be fine without them. In fact, you always have been.

Learn to let go.

All kinds of over-attachment are never good for your mental health and well-being. You know this already. People come and go. For whatever reasons, we’re bound to leave each other sooner or later. There’s no such thing as ‘forever’.

It’s all an illusion.

I know it sounds sad and can make you want to cry. A part of growing up is always to face the hardest reality. It never feels safe.

However, only little kids get to keep their security blankets. Once they outgrow them, they may not always fit anymore. When there’s a will, there’s a way. Trust yourself and you’ll get there.

Remind yourself that your happiness is on you.

As long as you believe in it, it’s all in the mindset. Once you’re finally free of their memories, you can start living your life to the fullest again. Never let them - or any other mortal - become the centre of your universe.

In short, you’re not going to die just because they (choose to?) leave you. As long as you’re a capable adult living your life, you’re just fine.

R.