Health, Wealth, Home and Homies. in Current Events

Who ordered the autoimmune disease during a pandemic that is deadly to people with underlying conditions? Ok, I don’t actually have a diagnosis but my thyroid was something that my doctor wanted to monitor because my thyroid is pretty full. Whatever that means. My bloodwork was a dream when it came back but he still wanted to monitor it. I did radically change my diet and lifestyle overnight and that has been a problem for some who don’t transition so I just assumed that is what it was back then. I also just recently quit my anti-anxiety medication cold turkey because of this pandemic slowing down my ability to get refills. It was too frustrating. We’re still using fax machines in Canadian healthcare people during a pandemic. Fax.machines. I’ve been avoiding the doctor’s office because of COVID. I assumed that was one of the new crazy social norms to save healthcare for COVID patients only. Fuck everyone else. While I was in the shower I was able to feel that my thyroid is swollen. My throat anyway. I can feel it throbbing right now because of touching it. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Awkwardly enough, I had received my final round of Twinrix when I last saw him. Coincidence? I hope so. I don’t need to add a health battle to my current struggles of unemployment and homelessness. I’m feeling too vulnerable to even spend time in any comment sections today also. God, I’m a wimp. I’ll call my doctor first thing tomorrow morning. Assuming I even live in this city by the time I get to deal with this. Hopefully, it’s nothing. It would be kind of nice to have that be a source for my hair loss issue so I can correct it. My scalp burns and throbs and I cancelled the appointment with that specialist because… true story, they sent me an e-mail when I cancelled and they called me out. It’s okay, the first step can be a big one. How dare they see right through my excuses and call me out on being afraid to face the truth. Something I am bad for. Jordan Peterson’s book calls for me to stop that shit immediately. I’m trying to avoid the poor me attitude but it’s hard. At the beginning of 2019, I was saying that my wealth was the best it’s ever been, my health was the best it’s ever been, my relationships were the best it’s ever been and now here I am. The rug was pulled from under me. No wealth, health, home and nobody who wants to help me. I still prefer to believe that my boy Ganesha is just looking out for me. Adding and removing obstacles that I need to be able to grow. I can’t embrace nihilism during my darkest hour. I just can’t. I’ll embrace a God instead.