The flip side of anguish for me in I don't know....

I really am OK in some weird sense of the word. I am in my kitchen cooking and that provides me with some weird sort of comfort. I made a homemade shortbread with a sweet cream cheese spread and fresh strawberries last night. I am excitedly looking forward to going home for Easter and what will be in my kids baskets. We are *almost and *this close to being done with some subjects for school this year. My kids will be done (except Abby) by mid May at the latest and Abby won't be too far behind. Abby is going to teen camp with our church in Hot Springs this year. I'm very excited for her and that she is taking this step to go on her own. My Dad will be able to go for services and check on her if needs be. We will do VBS at our home church and that excites me also. It's in July and if I remember right, it's around the time of my birthday.

For all the mess and drama that rolls through my mind, I do have some positives floating around in there, too. I am immensely quiet on FB lately. I have nothing to say and what I might say might not come out right. I have someone I would love to rip in two because she is driving me nuts (her name is Lisa and she is the "top dog" in the homeschool co-op here). My patience is being tested with her and with the hormonal rollercoaster I am on, biting my tongue has become hard.

As for the hormonal coaster, having the d&c has messed things up a bit and I'm dealing with the aftermath of taking progesterone for a week and my body wasn't really ready to do a cycle, yet I seem to be having some sort of cycle. I'm ready to start being more normal in that area, too.

I know I have value, but in some realms I feel I have no value. It's a very fine line and one I seem to be teetering on daily. Sometimes my foot goes over to one side and I can't seem to get it out and then other days I seem to be able to move to the other side and breath. Today, Eric isn't home and I am able to breath. For that, I am thankful.