Starts Political in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

(1) Yesterday, the White House released a statement that does what Donald Trump always does… reinforces the extreme Us versus Them rhetoric which is the only thing his brain understands. This man is so obsessed with making everything about people attacking one another that I’m surprised ANY of his children still talk to him!!

Yesterday’s White House message was that, paraphrasing and not quoting because damn… radical extreme leftists want to disrespect American History by rewriting Christopher Columbus’ legacy and are an excellent example of how White-Centric History is under threat by the Enemies of America.

Personally, I find this perspective head-bashingly foolish and idiotic to the point of thinking a partially lobotomized experiment chimp with a drill bit in its head would know better.

If the HISTORY of the man depicts him as a slaver, rapist, morally bankrupt person (considered to be so even in his own time by some of his contemporaries). Then choosing to support the American Fictionalized Version of the man instead of the historical truth… isn’t “disrespecting America’s history”. Ass. It is embracing the idea that HISTORY has positives and negatives and building a fictionalized version of American History and demanding THAT be held up is akin to studying fairy tales and calling it factual history!

And in that spirit I got a very clear and frightening scenario play in my head

Trump: And Paul Bunyan was an amazing American! Amazing. Changed the entire landscape of the country. And these radical, extremist, baby-eating leftists are trying to trash him, make it sound like he isn’t important. They want to destroy American History.

Reporter: Sir, Paul Bunyan never existed. Researchers think it may even be based on a French-Canadian folk hero of similar name.

Trump: Fake news! You’re ANTIFA. See, ladies and gentlemen, proof of my point. Destroying American History.

And that is our current, honest, modern reality. What is REALLY scary, and this popped in unbidden… if he gets a second term, that scenario ends differently

Trump: Fake news! You’re ANTIFA! Someone arrest him. Get him out of here. ANTIFA! Anti-American, Fake News, garbage!

(2) I turned on my computer today and first thing that pops up?
BIG OL thing from Texas talking about how “The Celeb-retarded circle of folks like The Rock and Twitty Taylor Swift shows that Biden is a radical leftist in the pocket of Holly-weird and wouldn’t recognize an American value if it was attached to the head of the little girl he’s molesting!!”

Heavy… heavy sigh. If you want to get into a pissing match about endorsements and support, Texas?? The Taliban said that Trump is a “wise choice” and would be “very good” as the continued President. MULTIPLE white supremacy organizations have endorsed and support Trump. Kim Jong-Un, Vladimir Putin, and Recep Erdoğan are all pushing for a Trump victory in 2020.

FRANKLY… I’d rather be with The Rock and Taylor Swift and have you lunatics think I’m part of a “Baby Eating Sex Cult” as opposed to be with Internationally Recognized Terrorists and Dictators that have on the record murdered children across the globe. Fucking conspiracy addled numb brained ass clowns!

(3) Five minutes before I’m supposed to leave for a hearing… my Secretary sends a phone call back to me. Who is it? “Some guy asking about a closed case.” Ugh. FINE. Whatever.

Me: “Hello, this is (ME) how may I help you?
Him: “Yeah are there conditions for what when someone gets outta jail?
Me: “I’m sorry sir?”
Him: “When somebody gets outta jail.”
Me: “Okay, I’m with you so far. Someone has gotten out of jail.”
Him: “What are the conditions on ‘em?”
Me: “Sir, this may be easier if you tell me what case this is on.”
Him: “Well, this is about someone that wronged me. They’re called (NAME) and they got let outta jail there in August.
Me: “Ah, okay, I’ve got that case right in front of me. Looks like she was charged in May, Sentenced in September to fines and restitution.”
Him: “So what are the conditions on her?”
Me: “Sir, I don’t know what you mean by ‘conditions.’ Her sentence was financial though, so as far as the case, everything is settled.”
Him: “Yeah, but she was put in jail. There in August. You see that, right?”
Me: “Okay, yes. It looks like she missed a hearing in August, was picked up by police and was in jail for a night. But as I said, she plead in September so her case is closed.”
Him: “Yeah, but aren’t there conditions on someone when they get out of jail, like parole or no contact?”
Me: “Ooookay. I see, sorry, sir. No. No Contact Orders are only ordered on cases of violence or harassment and one was not filed in this matter at all. There is no Protective Order. Do you think you need one?”
Him: “No. Okay. Wull… thanks.” extended silence
Me: “Alright, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Him: “No. No. Thanks, though.” extended silence
Me: “Well, have a good day sir.” gently places phone back on the cradle.

(4) Here’s a super interesting (to me, at least) analysis and breakdown of Social Media and how it creates divisiveness and social issues.

I’ve been, as seen above, bloody well inundated with Trump bullshit of late. This is the curse of still being a faithful Christian while also having far too many friends in Texas. Just raucous, stupid, ridiculous, easily fact-checked bullshit.

So I posted, to my social media, a statement that was posted out of anger and contempt. Essentially something to suggest Trump IS an Ass and Biden ISN’T the Devil so pull your heads out of your asses.

Surprisingly… of all people… Remus was the one that got into it with me. Afterwards, he just kind of sheepishly apologized and asked, “Are we good?” I smiled and told him of course… it’s a lot better to discuss things and have dialogue than if either of us had said, “Then fuck you!” and didn’t speak. Especially since, I know Remus doesn’t support Trump. But he does support Jorgensen. And as we spoke, that was the issue. He gets triggered when it looks like people are trying to say Biden is a great candidate.

So that’s the path. Ridiculous, Stupid, Asinine Bullshit triggered me to write something.
My statement triggered my friend because he was worried I was “hand waiving” the problems with Biden. I just… I found it interesting how that can work.

(5) I don’t typically write a lot of details here about the More Than Friends Elements between Victoria and I. Partially because the whole thing is still very… emotionally weird but in ways I didn’t expect. So I try to parse that out on my own instead of bring it here. And I’ll tell you what it is. I expected that with additional sexual contact and that part of a friendship happening, I’d have to worry about “catching feelings” and “falling in love”. That is the emotional weirdness I anticipated. But that isn’t what is happening. It’s quite the opposite in fact. I find her attractive. I find her, typically, sexually stimulating. I enjoy being her friend. But I am absolutely, unequivocally, and incontrovertibly not interested in a romantic relationship with her. BUT I say that in the following context: if she caught feelings for me and wanted to pursue them… I’d be tempted, strictly from the “I want to be the object of those feelings” perspective… but not in the “I want this to romantically work out” perspective. And knowing that, about the situation and about myself, is an important thing to note. That… I do want someone to feel like that towards me; but knowing I don’t want that kind of relationship with Victoria… that alone is emotionally weird. Add in that I don’t want that kind of relationship with Victoria but we’re still engaged in a friendship that involves cuddling, kissing, and sexual exploration? Eeeeeeven more emotionally weird for me.

Yet really all of that is merely a preamble to what I was going to say here. She said she might come over Wednesday for alone time. We haven’t had alone time at all in October yet. That being said, if you’ve seen my writing IN October… you may be better positioned to understand....
I’m not sure about engaging in the sexual. That isn’t the blanket statement it may seem there. And I say this KNOWING if she comes over and wants to get down, I’ll be into it. But from here? This current perspective, which I’ve been feeling for a few days?
Even knowing the line is FWB Plus… what I’d be most interested in is having my friend hold me. Just… hold me and in that moment of warmth and stillness just… be there. I suppose, then, that I’m simply looking for a moment’s rest where I can temporarily release everything. Not have to worry or fear of feel sad or angry. Just… sit, being held, holding. Knowing that, even if just in that moment, there is someone present physically in my life that doesn’t need or want something from me; that honestly just wants to sit with me. Even if only for a moment. That would be… such sublime stillness.

(6) This is likely a terrible next thing to say considering the immediate precursor but this is appropriate on a grand scheme.
As the marriage continued and continued to suffer, one thing that persistently perplexed me is that I was certain Nancy was smarter than she was. Even now, I’m crediting the likelihood of depression and untreated mental issues to this steady decline in intelligence; but in truth, I think I have to be more discerning. It is quite likely that my physical attraction to her caused me to believe she was more intelligent than she actually was. This would be particularly in fitting with my desire to find someone that is genuinely my peer to be my partner as finding someone particularly attractive and getting along with them would create a sort of “confirmation bias” whereby anything she did that seemed intelligent, I would credit to obvious proof that she was intelligent and why we were together. And then as the relationship deteriorated, I was less inclined to fall back on confirmation bias and attraction and was then hit repeatedly with the fact that my previous assumptions were wrong and that, perhaps, she was not as smart as I had given her credit for. OR it was the depression.

These are thoughts that are all over these pages and are not truly novel BUT FOR new evidence as to my own perspectives and biases.

Because you see… I’m noticing similar patterns when interacting with Victoria. And I am similarly thrown because Victoria has given many bright red flags that suggest she has entered into quite the depression of her own lately. But also, I’m becoming more surprised with things she’s not understanding. And if it were simply movie references she should know, I wouldn’t be intellectually curious about the whole matter. But concepts, words, phrases… typical communication that I would otherwise engage in. Which again leaves me with thinking: It is quite likely that my physical attraction to her caused me to believe she was more intelligent than she actually was.

Now, if this were evident and proven… something to watch out for and be aware of going forward. But, I would state, I have at least some reasonable doubt. The options are thus:

(1) Decline in intelligence, whether actual or perceived, stems from depression and accumulated trauma. RE: IF true, it is less “be worried about attraction” and more “be aware of the kind of women you’re attracted to.” Because if you’re attracted to the depressed and traumatized… we already know you need to fix that.
or
(2) Decline in intelligence, whether actual or perceived, is due to my being physically attracted which causes me to believe the woman is more intelligent than she actually is. RE: IF true, I need to do something to figure out how to rectify this misconception BEFORE it becomes a potential problem.
or
(3) Decline in intelligence, whether actual or perceived, is due to a communication issue on my end. Perhaps, whether because I find the woman attractive or simply had a weird day, there are some days where I have particular difficulty stating my ideas and do so in a more confusing manner. RE: IF true, I need to make certain I am communicating in a more clear and precise manner even when I am otherwise not feeling particularly communicative.
or
(4) Of course, there could be no cognitive decline, whether actual or perceived, in the other individuals and it could entirely be a problem with my own sense of perception or reality.

(7) Well, Victoria texted and asked if I was free to do something tonight. Told her I was tired but we could hang out. Her exact words were “Well, you’re my best option tonight”. Well… yeah. Not sure how to perceive that but I’ll move past it. But we just had the most… “dating” or I suppose friends do this to, kind of conversation.
“Food?” Yeah, probably. “Take away or delivery?” Again? “Well, my pantry is what it is. My original plan was soup and a Birds Eye Skillet Meal.” Well, I have an odd assortment of leftovers. “Then between us, I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

Honestly, I told her I was in a mood to cuddle and chill tonight. I figure that’s what’ll happen, but we’ll see.

(8) People… are… you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

RULES OF LAW: Attorneys must be licensed in the state where they work. Attorneys without proper licenses may file a motion pro hac vice (pronounced Pro Hawk Vee Tchay) to be allowed to argue a specific, one time only, case on behalf of someone else. This happens rarely because most areas require extreme circumstances be proved before accepting a pro hac vice request.

JUST got a phone call from California. Woman wanted my help trying to figure out the best way to file some motions for her friend that asked for her help. “Sure what’s the case”.... I look it up

IT IS A SPEEDING TICKET FOR 5 MILES PER HOUR OVER THE LIMIT.
Are… are you fucking with me? 25 year old guy… going 5 miles per hour over the speed limit in Iowa… and you’ve got an attorney from California handling your case? Are you… I mean… the fuck is wrong with people?

This is why I say TRAFFIC TICKETS are worse than anything. I mean, yes. There are images in my mind from Sex Assault, Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, and Murders that will be with me until I die. And it sickens me how often The Bad Guy gets away with truly terrible things. But all of those cases make some kind of sense to me.

Getting a lawyer from California to fight a 5 mph ticket??