On Communication. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

I really think "wavelength" is the most appropriate word to describe meshing correctly with another person's communication style. It's clear to me now that Candi and I just were on two different wavelengths. It's strange to think that we thought we had good communication. Maybe in some aspects we did. But.

I'm thinking about how Candi would be insulted when I would say something completely unrelated to the conversation. If we're driving and talking and I say, "Oh wow, a car." she'd be all "Are you even listening? What did I just say?" God, it used to piss me off how she'd "quiz" me. How fucking immature.

As a contrast, Elissa and I both kind of void social protocol and talk over each other, and we really don't give a fuck. I'll be talking about something and she'll be talking about something completely different, and it's totally cool. Why is it so unacceptable to carry on two different conversations at once? I don't think it's that complicated.

It makes me wonder whether I had to adapt to Candi's communication style, but she never adapted to mine. Which is why I felt closed-off and unable to talk about feelings and stuff. Eh. Also could be because over the course of the relationship, I was afraid of "demanding" anything out of fear of either hurting her or rejection.

One area in which I've majorly learned my lesson is division of labor in terms of household chores. She outright refused to take out the trash, due to her father making her due it when she was a kid. Okay, whatever. Everything else, we "shared". Meaning, regardless of reality, we mutually felt like we were doing more than the other. I felt like she never cleaned. She felt like I never did the dishes. Whatever, man. A "whoever gets around to it" arrangement is idealistic, and sure, absolutely, partners should help each other even if it isn't their obligation to do something. But there should be some mutual agreement in place to default to, to keep things "equal". Looking back, dishes should have been a weekly assignment, same with vacuuming, and I should have insisted she share in taking out the damn trash.

Not to mention I should have set a number of rodents she could have. I just am always afraid of being a dick, when really, I gotta fucking stand up for myself. I shouldn't be with someone who would take advantage of me. I bent over backwards for her. All she did was make me feel like she was good at "putting up" with me.

Insert rant about how I'm awesome and should find someone who celebrates me.