morning thoughts this morning in Second 1st

Rocky’s been to a few doctors now.... the pain in his stomach is a ulcer. According to our PCP with strict diet that should heal in 1-6 months. Did I tell you about airspace disease? apparently rocky has little pockets in his lungs that aren’t holding air. They seemed serious about a follow up at the hospital so he did. Man was I worried for nothing. Turns out he managed to not tell them he has asthma.... and that’s what it looks like on an x-ray. He went to PCP to follow up yesterday....PCP still wants him to go back to the lung doctor to talk about it .... go figure, just spread the money around why not? ..... airspace disease is an umbrella term for “lung thing that we have no idea what it is”.

Rocky’s been pretty serious about this diet thing for like what a week and a half.... 2 weeks.... and the night before last I asked him “With the diet change have you been having less attacks?” “Yes, but it’s still there.” While he was at the PCP he talked to him about possible anxiety and got some kinda meds for that. He said he will test them out on a day I’m home. I asked if he thought he was ready to go back to work. It’s only been like 3 weeks and we are still okay but.......

He gave me some raised eyebrows and said “Yeah as soon as I get the breathing thing under control.” .... I guess I thought I’d asked about that.... with less attacks.... is he waiting to have NO attacks.... when would you know that? like Oh look I’ve been sitting around the house doing nothing and I have no attacks for 3 days but I’ll have one tomorrow so I shouldn’t go back? or Because I’ve been doing nothing is why I’m not having them so when I go back I’ll have them all the time?

The in practice concept of me being able to cover all the bills won’t come to fruition till the end of November. This month has 5 weeks in it so it will be fine and some will roll into next month and so on.

I need to say this.... it’s not at all about money. It’s not that he doesn’t have FMLA to back him. I can get passed that really. I make enough. There is enough financial security, we are fine. It’s the idea that I worked through being sick for a good while before getting FMLA.... and had it while working for awhile before going on leave. There were plenty of times on leave where I would swear no one believed me..... and still don’t, including doctors and my husband who was onboard with the “thinking yourself dizzy” idea. His pain is avoidable and will heal. I’m still very frustrated about the situation. Honestly, the only thing keeping me from reaming him every time I come home to him watching TV is the fact that I haven’t done a load of laundry since he’s been home.... and I only have to do dishes when I cook on my days off. He cooks dinner every night too. Which has me angry in another way..... (does all this while he’s off but can’t do it when he’s working? funny.... I can.)

Just a little brain dump before work..... some major company (they won’t tell us who) is coming in today as potential clients. They’ve made such a big deal out of it that it sounds a lot like if we don’t hook them we will have to close. I’m okay with that.... but I’d prefer to be employed for now. Of course if the visit goes well we won’t find out.... and if it does not I’m sure we will hear about it. Either way they are walking through our department today and I’m a bit dizzy just stressing about that this morning.

Did I mention that we got a new pallet this passed weekend? .... It’s a crappy one we got for 200 I’m going to be shocked if it makes it’s money back seriously.... I told him he should spend his time learning how to list stuff but then discovered that the apps are phone exclusive. Meaning he can’t upload stuff without my phone .... so that’s pretty great.... unless he starts a whole other thing I’m stuck doing it. I did put up a small bit of a protest to getting a pallet this time because the amount of room I have to store stuff is .... lacking.... and the time to have a yard sale is pretty near over.... he’s home… he could be pricing things....

After we get this pallet done there are a few things I want him to take to the dump or donate just because we have had them so long and they WILL not sell .... like the 2 snow blowers.... no I don’t want to hold them one more season .... the pallets they came from have been in profit for a long time and I don’t want them in my house anymore.... end of story.... agree or do it yourself..... that’s the gist really. hopefully I’ll be rid of them soon and can organize that room a bit more.

Well, time to actively get ready for work....