Inner Ecology in Current Events

I feel flustered. I feel like I was just called to the principal’s office after doing something wrong. I suppose I am feeling some guilt about a few personal failures. It would be easier if I had my old victim mentality. I could find someone or something to blame and just use it to amplify my feelings to justify why life and the world is so cruel to me. Then be done with it. But no, I had to go and learn that I have to take full responsibility for myself. Was ignorance bliss? I can’t say that it was. It was definitely not freedom. Responsibility is freedom, it is not an action it is the endless potential that I have in every situation and circumstance in my life. My victim mentality had me a slave to my circumstances, had me reacting to everything. I let life just happen to me ignorantly. I created positive feedback loops to create unhealthy attachments that helped me feel in control. Helped me feel like I was okay. I became an expert at pretending that pain wasn’t happening to me. You’re not hurting when you are drunk. hight, hooking up, having that affair, partying, binge eating and making useless purchases. It was me against the world in those days and now it’s me against myself. I am suffering from my own psychological dramas. It’s making me short-sighted. Worse, it’s making me weaker at resisting my old fucked up ways. Of course, my old fucked up ways were not serious attachment issues like drugs, sex and drink. Mostly it was just neurological compounds; thoughts and habits. I want to be a person with good positive thinking and good positive behaviour. However, I can’t lobotomize myself by just sugarcoating everything. I can’t deny the dark and shadows in life, the world or within myself. I can’t fracture my reality and break everything into contrasts and polarities. Good and evil. heaven and earth etc. I can’t be whole if I create concepts with polar opposites that could never meet.

Yes, I suppose I am being a little dramatic. I am experiencing some anxiety. I have to be honest about my trigger. I got a little extra opinionated on my Facebook. It’s not easy expressing one’s opinions these days. I just channel my inner Candace Owens and own it. I know that it isn’t easy having your opinions challenged but I am open-minded enough to process more than one viewpoint. The better-represented opinion… is suppose to win. I only bring that up because I was accused of believing conspiracy again. By two people I do respect. The job of a reporter is to tell the story, show the facts and then let you decide for yourself. That is not how mainstream media is acting so, as Trump says, the people are tired of it and go to the internet. The internet is full of independents and they have far greater ratings than the news. They even show their sources. If I believed everything I heard on the news I would be like everybody else and believe the conspiracies that Trump is a Russian agent, that police are hired by white supremacists to hunt down black people, that a virus with a survival rate of 99.998% is the plague and that is it natural for climate change to create forest fires that magically stop at the Canadian border.

Anyway, I do not take it too personally. Their comments. After all, getting you to act unhinged is part of their debate strategy. Just look at how the activists disguised as journalists treat the press secretary Kayleigh. They try and corner her to squash her like a bug but she knows their game and is way too prepared. These “journalists” just want to be the story and to create a story. Tax aversion is not illegal, tax evasion is. Tax aversion is a common practice for the rich. Trump’s taxes is only controversial for low-information people. Today’s debate should be interesting. I don’t think Trump should underestimate Biden too much. For starters, Biden is a pathological liar. He will say anything that sounds good to his constituents because he knows that they’re low-information/emotion-based voters. Up here we put the standards so low on Trudeau that he ended up looking amazing in debates and then we elected him. Even I fell for it, but I was a low-information/emotion-based voter back then. He didn’t even win the popular vote during the second election, nor a majority government. We’re practically Chinada as a result. We’re printing Chinese propaganda about climate change from Chinese propaganda companies. We’re flying the Chinese flag at half mass on Wednesday to honour and celebrate China. China has two of our journalists in their prisons and Trudeau is too busy sucking on China’s dictatorship to denounce any of the evil in China. Their concentration camps for starters.

Ok, I didn’t mean to bring up politics. It’s just part of my coping. I am not in control of a lot right now, not in a bad way. I just cleave to consuming politics instead of rumbling with my ego which seems to think that I can control everything. I gave myself a bit of a break on the weekend, from consuming politics and world events I mean. I am experiencing my anxiety today so I suppose that I swung back into it. I don’t need to be experiencing this level of unpleasantness. This is a problem with my inner ecology, not my outer one. This is an inside job. Creating pleasantness I mean. I can find a way, within myself to be able to not feel drama and upsets when I consume politics and express unpalatable opinions. Ok, whatever I’m just going to go for a run and then tackle my to-do lists. I just needed to air this out. Also, I like this playlist.