DH and I in Journal

had a few really deep conversations this weekend.

One was about privacy.
I don’t really understand how people can separate their children from the concept of people.
I think it’s one thing if your spouse, mother, or brother were interested in your health, well-being, and happiness to inquire about your daily habits like eating, sleeping, eliminating and any recent breakthroughs in your current goals. Yet on that same note, if they really cared, there would be such a connection that they really wouldn’t have to ask… right? I mean, if any of those personal things impact our relationship at all, I would think that by virtue of being in a relationship with that person, we would have inherently learned these things about each other through the act of relating and spending enough time together.
So.
Why are we giving away personal and private information about our kids to nearly complete strangers? What gives us the right to share personal information with anyone, anyway? Why do parents reserve the right to feel proud and accomplished in the eyes of others when their child is doing the important work of developing into a grown human being?
I think that it’s okay to give information to caregivers or authorities like say, the dentist, or their pediatrician, or their babysitter. Anyone who needs that information, and is in a position to benefit the child from that knowledge.
But it’s very disrespectful to talk about a child’s personal information in front of them with people that they don’t even know yet.

Another conversation DH and I had was very intensely personal. I brought up the problems that we’ve had, well, basically since the inception of our relationship. We never really talked about any of these things before. And now it’s all out in the open. It’s actually surprisingly a huge relief.
I feel really bad and guilty for the way I’ve behaved, and I have apologized for it. But there’s so much that apologies don’t cover. I don’t want to be the BNA’er. (Bullshit Non-Apologizer)
So I suppose what I was after was the complaints and thoughts surrounding our past, how he felt about it then and now.
Can’t really decide how to move forward and fix things if I don’t know what is wrong. I think (hey, lets face it, I know) that I’ve been making my own complaints known to him for awhile now. And I am frustrated because nothing really ever happens.
Instead of getting all quiet, reserved, depressed, discontent and frustrated, and perpetually going through my bullshit cycles, I decided to take an active approach.
I guess the IFS therapy is really helping. Because I’ve never even felt capable of addressing this before. I don’t feel like it’s all my fault, obviously. I feel like it’s half my fault. The other half is his. But I really think that if I pick up my half and really own it, really try to reconcile for my half and carry it, and carry it well, that he will pick up his half. I think that’s part of the good faith argument, or the virtue of generosity.
Be generous; there is no quicker way to discover the real character of people when you’re charitable.