Upset in Journal 2020

I feel bad

I said something mean to Kelly, I just wanted to sound romantic and maybe idk attention. But they where scared and I felt bad…i feel bad…i started to cry a little bit a go but i covered it up as I’m with my family boit to eat.

I hate myself. I’m so impulsive sometimes I’m so emotional and STUPID. And now Kelly probably hates me and doesn’t want to say it. I just…felt like it. I did the same thing with Lynx, I felt like threatening myself and I did it with kelly to :(

I feel so bad but the worst thing is at the time I just felt it had to happen. Like I had to do it to prove myself to them. And that maybe they’d say yes and I could get everything over with. I feel so horrible what’s wrong with me…