Rougher Than Expected in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

I woke up today and thought to myself… fuck today. I have nothing on my schedule at work. NOTHING. So the only reason to go into the office is so that I can answer unscreened phone calls from people who want to bitch me out because they got a ticket, or broke the law, or because their SO broke the law and they want me to pretend it didn’t happen. And you know what?! FUCK THAT. I didn’t want to deal with that today. So I told work I was taking a personal day and packing some of Nancy’s shit. I even kind of almost intended to do that. Lord knows she still has a TON of shit here. Instead, I just went back to bed.

Upon waking? Nala’s been freaking out. She ripped the FUCK out of her bed, upended her water bowl covering the floor with water, threw her food bowl so little bits of food are everywhere. I don’t know what is going on with her at night EXCEPT the possibility that… since I’m gone for so much of the day, if I’m not up to playing with her for a full 6 hours a day when I come home, she’s upset. You’re supposed to sleep between 12 and 14 hours a day. Here’s an idea. Wake up at 6 a.m. Then go back to sleep from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Hang out with me from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. then sleep some more. I know that means 17 hours of sleep per day but… count it as a beauty rest!

So even though I was taking a personal day, I checked my work e-mail. Got a HELL of an e-mail.
SO… I may have mentioned this previously, but I’ll put it up here again.
During the COVID shut down, law still applies. So, even though courts were shut down, I filed a petition with the courts because a juvenile AT A FACILITY FOR CRIMINAL JUVENILES had exposed himself to a teacher. Yeah. I get how upsetting that can be; but at the same time… these kids are in this facility BECAUSE they break the rules and break the law. So I file a petition because this kid should be punished. Especially as he continued to do so. It comes time for the trial aaaaaand… THE DAY OF trial, his attorney quits. Okay. SO… he needs to be assigned a new attorney. That attorney needs to be given appropriate time to review the case and speak for the juvenile. Set the matter for a hearing (NOT a trial). TYPICALLY, these hearings are a matter of “Does the juvenile admit he did this or not? If not, then we need to set this for a trial.” That’s the point of it. RIGHT BEFORE the hearing, I’m informed that the kid will not cooperate with ANYTHING until he hears from the witnesses against him. Now, technically… this is his right under the law. But officially, our court never does that. ESPECIALLY since the only reason this hearing is being HAD is because of defense lawyer bullshit quitting ON THE DAY OF TRIAL to begin with. So… the case is seven different kinds of fucked. The hearing starts, the kid starts popping off saying that he’s assaulted people, will continue to assault people, but no way he’s letting anyone put him on “The Perv List, fuck y’all!” All of this to the judge/court on the record. Defense attorney makes an oral motion with the court demanding that the witnesses who wish to accuse him of these crimes be presented immediately. This is COVID, we’re doing everything spur of the moment over the phone, the Juvenile Court Justice doesn’t even have a fucking roof on his house right now because of the derecho! I don’t have my witnesses because we got fucked over having them last time, this time is supposed to just be a hearing on contested or not. BUT since the kid has the right… the judge dismisses ONE of the charges because it “Passed the deadline for adjudication a few days after Defense previously withdrew from the case.” SO… I’ve got this kid on a number of charges… ONE gets dismissed because the judge is trying to “give this kid as much of a chance to succeed as possible”. That teacher? Sends me and my boss an absolute BURN BOOK e-mail.

“I find your inability to do your jobs entirely unacceptable! The law is the law and people should be held accountable! Being negligent in your duties is SHAMEFUL! Your incompetence allows perpetrators to think they are immune to consequences! I am hoping that some resemblance of justice may be found in your souls before I lose all faith in the both of you!”

Thanks, lady. Always glad to work my ass off, get yelled at by every DAA victim, Defendant, Speeding Ticket Asshole, and literally ANYONE with beef against the government, police, or being held accountable for their actions (you know, MOST of the world right now) only for you to call me incompetent and negligent because of ONE charge being dismissed because you got pissed that a convicted 16 year old criminal showed you his penis. Frankly… if I didn’t feel bad and agree with you on some level, I would tell you to FUCK. OFF.

So… yeah. Mood sunk.

And, just for giggles… immediately after that e-mail? ANOTHER State Training School request for charges. Oh… so glad. You think I’m negligent and incompetent but your employees are constantly complaining about not being able to choke slam the children they watch over and are still constantly asking me to put ALL OF THEM into adult prisons so they don’t have to deal with them. I’m sorry… which of us is negligent and incompetent? The one that files the paperwork, argues the case, and sometimes loses… or the people that are three times a week asking me to remove the very children they are required to take care of?

So… bah. VERY fucking bah. Pretty much… the reason why I figured fuck working from work today. Because with nothing on my schedule, the only thing that my presence would accomplish was having people bitch me out and tell me to do extra work WHILE getting bitched out. Go. FUCK YOURSELVES!

Especially, and I appreciate that this is shitty of me because “personal situations are no excuse” but… uhm… yeah, folks. YOU are all going to bars and restaurants and refusing to wear masks or social distance… all the while mocking the people trying to take this damned pandemic fucking seriously while being the reason it isn’t going away, IS getting worse, and IS STILL killing people. SO… while you are all making a bad situation worse… we (my department) is trying to figure out how to do our fucking jobs when (in truth) we don’t have THAT MANY court dates as it is… and the ones we DO have are almost 100% likely to become COVID HOTSPOTS when you gather 60 people (a large majority over the age of 50) into a single, small room!! ON TOP OF trying to fix the STS’s absolute BULLSHIT. I’m not even SORRY that you don’t get to do what you “always used to do” and I don’t care that you don’t agree with the courts. YOU LOST A $5 MILLION LAWSUIT because the Courts considered what you were doing to those kids to be TORTURE. In fact, DURING THE LAWSUIT, one of your nurses started testifying as to your Standard Practices and the judge interrupted her to tell her that what she was describing was already technically considered illegal! So yeah. You lost that lawsuit. FIX YOUR SHIT. Oh… you don’t want to? You think the courts were wrong. You now expect the County Attorney’s Office to create your solution for you?? SORRY! Not our jobs! Not to mention, and I know this is my issue but it happens to every attorney as they go through this… all this trauma and stress you are all seeing, and bitching about, and pretending should go away because you “don’t believe in COVID”.... I’m dealing with that ON TOP of what trauma experts call “One of the top 10 traumas that impact a person’s life”. SO… thanks all. Thanks for taking THE YEAR OF COVID, THE YEAR OF AN IOWA HURRICANE, and THE YEAR OF MY DIVORCE… and adding THE YEAR WE’RE EXPECTED TO FIX STS’S ILLEGAL BULLSHIT FOR THEM and more. So… thanks 2020. You’ve managed to make sure that we’re all swimming neck deep in shit. At least my little consolation prize is sex therapy with a married polyamorous woman.

SPEAKING OF… Victoria texted me during the noon hour and asked if I wanted to have a late lunch with her and the kids. I told her that I was at home today, taking a personal day. Bless her heart, her first question was “Bad pain today?” For her to think that or ask that is more care or concern than I’ve received from most people I know in the last five years. I told her that it wasn’t, I was just taking a day off from work because today was going to be a nothing day and I can deal with nothing from home. So she asked if she could bring the kids over and they came over. And she and the kids spent from about 1:30-ish to about 6:30-ish at my house running around, coloring, reading, and watching movies. I mean… it is whatever. The kids can really use someone with more patience than Victoria (and I don’t blame her, being at home with the kids all day every day has to be taxing) and they’ve got plenty of space (and a dog) here. And honestly… it is better than “watch TV and play video games” that I was planning on.

But I’ll tell you. Sometimes, it is hard for me to appropriately keep things in perspective. I mean… Victoria and the kids hanging out here today. Remus has an overnight date tonight and isn’t going to be home. Victoria has a male friend coming over to the house tonight. Tomorrow Remus is at a bachelor party and Victoria is going on a date (she asked me to babysit, but I told her I was visiting my parents). And that is the nature of their relationship. And my role in everything is “Good friend to both, getting sexual assistance and training from Victoria.” But… honestly, I’ll tell you… it is emotionally upsetting. NOT that those two are having such productive social lives. It’s… frankly, it’s like what is/was going on with Nancy. Because seriously, honestly… somebody anybody tell me why.... Nancy finds success on dating apps. Remus finds success on dating apps. Victoria finds success on dating apps. I CAN’T EVEN GET A MUTUAL MATCH OR CONVERSATION!! What in the God-Awful FUCK?! And… tragically? I think I know the answer. And the answer is depressing.

Everyone who reads me says that I should be able to get somebody. Because you know me. Victoria is attracted to me… because she knows me. I don’t exactly consider myself unattractive… but the only people that seem to find me worthwhile are people that know my mind and my personality. And dating apps… that isn’t what motivates (apparently/clearly). So… that’s my world.

Great fill-in dad. Acceptable fuck. Brilliant friend. But pretty clearly nobody’s first choice… pretty clearly not the guy someone wants to go on a date with. I’ll be the guy at 43 that marries a woman who “went for strengths and looks” in her younger years but after she had kids and decided to settle down was “looking for stability and a good dad.” And that’ll be me. The guy that people don’t choose first… because I’m not exciting or flashy or attractive… I’m the guy people choose last because at least I’ll take care of you as you grow old and die.