Spew, title chosen almost randomly in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

So… today was scheduled to be a busy day and then… things shifted in court. Oddly. But with the anticipation of lots of court? I kind of assaulted Facebook, lol

POST ONE
No idea what it means when, immediately upon waking, this song is stuck in my head. I can’t imagine it is a good sign.

POST TWO
So, after waking up to “Complainte De La Butte” in my head for a solid hour, I took a shower and then… THIS song got stuck in my head. I haven’t listened to EITHER album in a long time. Seems… strange.

POST THREE
It occurred to me that there HAD to be “J. Jonah Tenzin” memes. I was not disappointed.

POST FOUR
An earnest summary of Night 1 of the RNC:
(1) The world is a terrible place, Trump is the only one who can save us.
RESPONSE: This is a wholly idiotic thing to say when you are the incumbent. You can’t say “Biden will bring chaos and economic collapse” when your presidency is the one that has brought chaos and economic collapse.
(2) Trump saved the world from COVID:
RESPONSE: This was laughable and honestly started pissing me off. EVEN LAST NIGHT the speakers were suggesting that COVID was STILL a “liberal hoax” by the media and fear-mongering Democrats. And the death toll keeps rising. COVID continues to be Trump’s repeated “Mission Accomplished” gaffe.
(3) Trump is Empathetic, Trust us.
RESPONSE: I am not the first to say that the Trump Administration uses the language of Domestic Abuse. They tell you that you aren’t seeing what you’re seeing. They tell you that you don’t understand what is going on. They tell you to believe the words, not their actions. This is all gaslighting bullshirt.
(4) Black People Love Trump.
RESPONSE: Everytime someone tries to say Trump is “not a racist and never was” I have to slap my head. It is public record that New York had to SUE HIM in order to force him to let BIPOC people live in his buildings. He continuously supports Confederate symbolism and open Neo-Nazis. The fact that he has “a few BIPOC people willing to speak for him” is the same as when your racist friend shouts, “I have a black friend, so I can’t be racist!”
(5) Nikki Haley proved that she has aspirations to lead the GOP. IF one still exists after Trump is finished defrauding it.

POST FIVE
I love it… but it hurts my soul

POST SIX

Almost POST SEVEN
This one just… hurts the soul like a personal attack!

POST EIGHT
It’s already started. I saw people shouting “We don’t know anything, you can’t take sides if you don’t know anything!” Well, sir… I know that in most of the Supreme Court cases I’ve read… the courts do NOT support Police shooting an unarmed man in the back if he is running away from an active, non-violent crime scene. So… explain how a police called for a separate matter wound up shooting an unarmed black man 7 times in the back?? People say, “He had active warrants!” Okay. That means they get to arrest him. Not empty a magazine into him.

POST NINE
An Important Reminder:
Friends, it is okay if the plight of the world or the nation seem like too much for you right now. Trying to keep up, trying to push forward all the time… that IS exhausting. It’s not a crime to focus on your friends and family instead. To embrace your inner circle and recharge. But if that’s all you ever do, may I encourage you to reach out. The problem with the world is NOT that we’re all different; it is that we let our difference keep us strangers.

As for my actual day? Because Nala had seen Mamma but Mamma had only been there to pack shit and leave… Nala had a lot of energy to burn last night. So we took a bigger walk than usual, came home… and around 11:00, Nala was already back at full force PLAY WITH ME! GET OUT OF BED! PLAY WITH ME! Which… wasn’t great. Because she woke me up at 2 a.m. PLAY WITH ME, then again at 5:30 WHY AREN’T YOU PLAYING WITH ME. Now… when I say wake me up… that isn’t like she’s on the bed or pushing me or anything. In fact, last night Nala wanted to be in her small enclosed area in a different room. It’s just… her crying, loud shouting. And she wasn’t locked in there. Just that she was alone that was bothering her. And it’s like… puppy… you can sleep on the bed with me! You won’t be alone then! I don’t know. I fully blame the fact that Nala can’t handle it if people come to the house and don’t play with her. And I suppose it was especially frustrating for her for me to be in the 3 Season Room (semi-outdoors) and reading… as opposed to chasing her around the yard, constantly throwing a toy, or (when she gets tired) throwing the toy near her.... running to the toy… throwing it again. Yeah, she’s a weird dog. But pretty and semi-intelligent. So… weirdness just seems like something that comes with being part of the family :)

At this point, I feel I should describe a bit more about the book I am reading. I won’t go into too much detail but suffice it to say; the book is about healthy sexual exploration, communication as it relates to sexual relationships, and the psychological, ethical, and emotional interplay between people in sexual relationships. In short- it is a book about how to accept my own sexuality, shed guilt for HAVING sexuality, learn to overcome the trauma of my past sexual issues, and rise up to (at least attempt) to be a person that can enjoy and celebrate sex as opposed to being a nervous wreck with constantly conflicting emotions. I am on page 91 of 204. NOT IN AN EFFORT TO SEXUALLY STIMULATE there are scenarios described in the book. AGAIN, I said they are included NOT to stimulate… but to show examples. Like… (vanilla, non-graphic example discussed in a simpler format)::: “Tabitha is embarrassed about her desire to engage in a sexual relationship with Eric. Eric has been very upfront with Tabitha about both his romantic and sexual desires towards her. Eric is fairly certain Tabitha wants to have a sexual relationship but something is holding her back. HOW BEST CAN ERIC HELP TABITHA?” Do you have a response? Because it would honestly say a lot about you what you came up with. If you say, “Eric should say nothing.” then that says something about you. If you say, “Eric should see how he can open Tabitha up to a sexual relationship” then that says something about you. The book suggests the best approach is to be direct, be supportive, and be consistent.... “Eric should not pester Tabitha about his feelings but he should make them known. If he has communicated to her that he wants a romantic and sexual relationship, he has communicated properly. If Tabitha responds by saying she wants that also but has reservations; Eric should simply tell her that, if she wants to discuss those reservations, he is there to listen… but if she isn’t comfortable discussing them, she doesn’t have to.”

Well… I don’t know what to tell you. Reading a book about sexual health and being damned sure something is going to happen tomorrow encouraged me to “take a long shower” this morning. Aside from the euphemism, the long shower helped because my body loves hot water (something fierce!) So that helped start the day well. Nala was sleeping on the couch. With her energy last night, I wasn’t about to risk letting her stay indoors today! Yes, it could be a very hot day outside today. THUS the three large filled bowls of water and the ability for her to hang out in the 3 Season Room (even put her bed in there, though she hasn’t used it in months). I just hope I’m doing right by her. I mean, she’s still fairly young. 1 year and 8 months old. And it isn’t like when Nancy was home, Nala got a lot of play or attention. But… I do worry. Because no dog deserves to live a life of boredom or neglect.

Now despite my day looking like it had 16 hearings… everything has been taken care of. My work for the rest of the day is mostly
(1) Return Phone Calls & E-Mails
(2) Prepare for Thursday’s MASSIVE hearings
(3) Prepare for SEPTEMBER (starting next week!)
(4) Eat my lunch, read my book, play cell phone games, look at memes, and read Prosebox. lol

Tonight at home? Take care of puppy with walks and play. Eat dinner. Tidy massively. Switch out the bedsheets for something less covered in dog fur. And put out the trash. And try to keep focused on healthy, happy, communication. So as not to get nervous about the vast possibilities of what tomorrow night may hold.