Therapy in Journal 2020

My friend talked to me about it.

I don’t think a therapist would understand. I’m dirty. Inside and out. It’s like poison and it’s like fat. It’s like a phantom limb were you’re constantly fearful and in pain.

I want to get clean, I can’t purge I’ve tried tons of times to no success. I feel fat and dirty and uncomfortable.

I sent my newest partner nudes and I looked ugly and I looked fat and I get in tears thinking about it. The pictures looked wrong and misshapen and I didn’t think I looked that bad but I do.

And I dont think I’m sexy or attractive I just dont like it I feel uncomfortable and I usually take showers with really hot water because I’m so uncomfortable and it’s never gonna get clean no matter how hard I try.

Sometimes I want to just drink cleaner to throw it up I’m so uncomfortable. I’m going to take a shower in a bit and scrub.