Hmm - 10.04.14 in Your Face

I'm reading everyone's entries, just don't have anything encouraging to say in the comment box, so I do apologise for that.

I was just starting to have that feeling of things coming together, falling into place, and now I feel the opposite.

No news, and I continue to spend each day teetering on the brink of just totally losing my shit. I am extremely frustrated by assholes in traffic, whereas I used to just grumble internally and go about my business, now I have visions of ramming people's cars, mowing down pedestrians and driving off bridges.

This nasty bitch at work is going to get hauled over the coals tomorrow, and I set that ball rolling. To be honest, I set it rolling because she likes to be nasty and make awful comments to two very meek and mild women at work, who just cop it from her and never say anything back. The bitch has never once said anything to myself and another secretary, because she knows it's looking for a fight. The two meek women are pretty upset about it, so I spoke up about it. It boils down to this: she is absolutely doing the wrong thing, and taking advantage of having a couple of people to push around to big herself up. Not cool. No one is more important than anyone else, plain and simple. These women have done nothing wrong, the bitch absolutely has, so she needs to answer to that.

Obviously, it's more detailed than that, but you guys don't care.

My stepmother has called me a few times to make bullshit allegations about my siblings and I. She is clearly mentally ill and I don't think she is getting the help she needs. I love her dearly and will always have time for her, but I can't help feeling resentful that I am being lumped with this, when I am pretty fragile myself. Out of all of us kids, I care the most for my father and step-mother, and make the most efforts to visit and call and remember special occasions, but I am the one she wants to call and rant to about how we're all horrible children and never do anything for our father. Again, it's more complicated than I can be bothered to type up.

Wow. My mother just bellowed and bellowed my brother's name, stomped around and down the stairs and bashed on the bathroom door, where he was taking a shower, to tell him that her take away dinner is ready to be picked up (he is going to get it). What a jerk. He would have only been a few more minutes in there. Can't possibly wait, though. I'll get to hear her moan about how fat she is shortly after she finishes eating.

My anxiety levels are very high, as it's my birthday on Saturday. I woke up with an amazingly sore throat yesterday, it continues fiercely through today, along with a fever. I couldn't get in to my doctor, so no antibiotics for me. I am not bothering to see if I can get into my other doctor, I can't afford the time off work to go, plus the bill (doctor #1 is in the same street as my office, so no travel time).

Still going to the gym steadily, 3 pump classes per week. I am going to add 1 body attack class, even though I absolutely loathe it. I am not otherwise getting any aerobic exercise, and am not disciplined enough to use a treadmill for long.