"SOMEDAY, HE MIGHT GROW UP DISTANT" in "RESTLESS: POETICALLY-SPEAKING"

You’ll never know
but he misses the old days
when you seemed to love him so,
in your arms, he’d felt safe and protected.

You only see
how he doesn’t meet your expectations.
He only remembers you’re angry
at everything he does,
far from perfect.

You’ll never know
how he longs to talk to you
the way you both used to.
But you’ve grown tired and impatient.
You’ve got other things to do.
You expect him to help you too,
that despite his obedience,
a ticking time bomb is set in silence.

You don’t see
how he feels guilty
for being seen as demanding.
It seems to him that you only love him,
when he obeys you without question.
You won’t even listen.

Don’t get him wrong.
He still loves you,
and perhaps always will.
But he’s beginning to understand,
that you may no longer be
the comfort he can always come home to,
so he might grow up distant,
keeping stories to himself
or saving them for others
who can probably understand
and help him to become better.

The bomb might explode,
inside or out.
However, it may go,
you’ll one day see an unfamiliar man
from the baby boy, you once adored
a long, long time ago…

R.
Jakarta, May 2020