Quarantine Survey (Rated PG) in Surveys

Are you an Essential worker?
I’m an internet hooker on OnlyFans. Not! I’m not an essential anything.

How many drinks have you had since the quarantine began?
None.

If you have kids, are they driving you nuts yet?
First of all, I’m the one who drives people nuts.

What new hobby have you taken up during this?
Complaining.

How many grocery runs have you done?
Two scary runs.

What are you spending your stimulus money on?
On internet hookers from OnlyFans… not! I don’t have stimulus anything.

Do you have any special occasions that you will miss during this quarantine?
Yes! Thank god!

If a burglar breaks into your house are you prepared to suppress them?
I’ll just kill the bitch! With kindness.

What movie have you watched during this quarantine?
Scooby-Doo 2, Frozen 2, Shrek 2… I’m cool.

What are you streaming with?
Pornhub. Not! Netflix and Disney and Gia and Youtube oh my! I also pirate

9 months from now is there any chance of you having a baby?
No, but I will die trying. I do have it on my gay agenda.

What’s your go-to quarantine meal?
Pornhub… not! Ok. Fries & BBQ Sauce

Is this whole situation making you paranoid?
Everybody social distancing away from me has been a life long dream of mine.

Has your internet gone out on you during this time?
No, but Pornhub crashed once or twice. Kidding! I dunno.

What month do you predict this all ends?
My precognition tells me that we run out of enough healthcare workers and essential workers go on strike at the worst possible time and we lose most of the grid and society collapses and humanity has to start over… in August.

First thing you’re gonna do when you get off quarantine?
Get laid… not! Nobody wants me. I’ll probably go to a party or seven.

Where do you wish you were right now?
On Liam Hemsworth’s face.

What free from quarantine activity are you missing the most?
Employment

Have you run out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer?
I don’t believe in hand sanitizer but we have lots of soap and wipes and TP. Also, spring is around the order we’ll have leaves for emergencies.

Do you have enough food to last a month?
No. I’ll probably start starving to death in an hour and then when I die my cats won’t even have enough of me to eat for a month.

Last updated April 07, 2020