Dreams and More in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

My dream last night returned to the narrative structure. Difficult to say about perspective. Some was third person “watching a movie” some was first person “fps” style. Ultimately, though, this works best from a movie perspective.

The main character was a well-known, jovial, socially gregarious, wealthy man about town that people did not realize was a vampire. For the sake of understanding what’s going on, it should be noted that this Vampiric World was one of demons and magic, not viruses and t-cells. There was a grand hotel where the Vampire lived and a single hotel room where he would almost always perform his seductive kills. But a good friend of the public face of the vampire, a Dr. Forrest, was in reality a Vampire Hunter Extraordinaire. The Vampire knew this which was a particularly strong reason he made such good friends with the man. One day as he and the Hunter are walking through the lobby of the Grand Hotel (likely going to some event being held in the building) a pale white figure passes by them and grips the vampire’s heart… a strangely strong thing in itself as his heart had not beaten in ages. The slight blond woman who passed filled his head with music and an almost spiritual level of purpose. The vampire didn’t know why… didn’t know what was going on… but knew he must hunt this woman and turn her. He began making preparations with a near singular-devotion. This made him sloppy. The Hunter was using magic and science to determine where the vampire killed, what the vampire’s habits were. The vampire was almost trapped more than once but was always able to escape just in time without allowing his identity to be revealed. As long as the Hunter did not know his friend was the Vampire, all was well. And then one day as the vampire was following the young woman from a distance, the vampire’s vision was filled with ghostly images.
Him as a Mongolian Warrior being slain by his friend as a Chinese Soldier.
Him as a dashing Earl being slain by his friend as a British Mariner.
Him as an SS Officer being slain by his friend as a French Spy.
Over and over, various visions of The Vampire throughout time and in different lives chasing The Slim Blonde Woman only to be killed by his Friend throughout time and in different lives. Sometimes both were human, sometimes both were monsters, there was one where his Friend was a werewolf. Over and over. Always the same.

That was the whole dream because that is when I woke up.

In less ethereal news; Nancy came over last night after work. Nala was very happy… so happy that she slept on the couch where Nancy sat all night. Because that lil pupper is having a hard time with not seeing who she took to be a packmate very often. Nancy and I discussed the paperwork and one of the issues is that, even for a separation, the court is requiring a “Statement of Division of Finances.” Which… is already causing some tension. Because Nancy just shrugged and said, “Half, right?” I… I’m not so quick to agree to that. Considering I contributed a large amount at initial joining, plus surprise trust fund during law school, plus working 20 to 60 hours a week during law school, plus 1 year at $60,000, 1 year at $30,000, and 2 years at $65,000 dollars… compared to 5 years at $25k, 1 year at 10k, 1 year at 23k, and two years of 0. Her entire “marital contribution” into the bank account is less than my contribution just for the 3 years of Prosecutor work. So while I’ll use “take half” as a last resort in order to avoid Spousal Support and/or Alimony..... “take half” is not going to be my opening offer. I told her to consult the attorney but my suggestion was “Write 1/3rd division at Separation to be re-negotiated at time of Divorce Filing.”

In other news… positive negative, I suppose. Nancy seems totally fine with me discussing Victoria, Remus, and the kids. Which… considering how much of her post-marriage dating life/sex life I’ve heard about should be true. But in discussing how the kids played around the house earlier this week; it got Nancy to tell me that she is back with the man who was doing the “yes, but you’re married; but my kids love you, let’s fuck, your husband still loves you…” That guy. Which… good. I mean, she seems to like him… he seems to be… a decent, if confused, guy that doesn’t always make the best choices. Personally… I’m concerned that neither Nancy nor her Beau wanted or took STI Tests before having sex.... I’m concerned that he introduced her to his kids after less than a month… and I’m concerned she’s actively watching his kids while he’s at work (they are 12 and 16). But Godspeed; not my problem anymore. Not like I‘m exactly making smarter choices necessarily. At least Nancy’s paramour isn’t married while dating while seeing her. On the other hand, though… at least I can rest easy knowing things like (a) Victoria and I have known each other now for almost a year… as opposed to hopping in the sack within 3 weeks; (b) Victoria and I are still taking things super slowly… she still hasn’t seen my downstairs bits at all; (c) we’re behaving like proper adults and want STI screens. AND there is no promise, guarantee, or requirement that our relationship enter into a sexual stage. That’s… kind of cool and important. We’re playing things as they happen. Whereas it really just… call me judgmental.... feels like Nancy hopped ship and instantly tried to find a place to play house. I don’t know. I’m almost entirely okay with what’s going on these days whether me or her or us or whatever but… there is this small still voice that whispers “her relationship could get her married again whereas your relationship doesn’t even have romantic elements” and I don’t know why that bothers me.

This morning was… odd. Again, woke up and did NOT want to go into work. I know for a lot of people, that’s just normal but… I don’t like it. Because ultimately, there’s no… specific reason for it. Like… if it was a shitty boss, or a fucked up environment, or lack of support… that’s something definite that I could say “work around.” But I am almost 100% certain that I’m waking up with the “fuck this” attitude because of the instability of things these days. Whether COVID or Derecho… there is a lot of instability. My job is to do things by a certain deadline, have answers to tough questions, solve problems, and get things done in court. Almost ALL of that job is made.... more stressful and hectic… with things like “Partial Government Opening” so the people driving without a license may or may not have tried to obey the law but couldn’t get their particular County’s DMV to open/set appointment/issue paperwork. Or with things like… one of our 3 judges having lunch with an active COVID patient thus needing to be in quarantine for 14 days. Or like how our Juvenile Court judge doesn’t have power at his home or any of his three “local” offices due to the Hurricane. Or like how our Felony Court Judge is retiring creating more delays and instability in our schedule. I know that the law CAN’T just climb in bed, pull the covers around our head, and say “Closed until COVID is fixed!” but… damn do I wish we could!

So I finally got out of bed, got the dog outside, pulled out of the drive way… as I pulled out, I didn’t see anyone or anything around the car or in the street or approaching, I was clear. But when I look in my rear-view mirror AFTER pulling out of the driveway, I see a Boxer and a big black Newfoundland just… chilling. Walking themselves around the neighborhood. A big ol’ Newfie smelling where Nala is sitting through the fence. If this is happening regularly, why she might be feeling extra territorial. I am fairly certain that those two dogs belong to the house three downs down and across the street to the south. But… I wasn’t going to try to capture two dogs on my own and wrangle them back to who may or may not be their owners. As I drove off, I thought “*Just call the local PD. We’re dealing with Dog At Large all the time.” But I didn’t have my cellphone with me. So now I feel REALLY shitty. Because now I feel like I did nothing to help those dogs and that is unacceptable. True… those dogs belong to neighbors and those neighbors should be responsible about their dogs. But… I don’t want those dogs to (a) get hurt; (b) go missing permanently; or (c) fuck with my dog. I’m hoping that our neighborhood (which is filled with retirees and teachers that aren’t back to school yet) was able to intervene. Lord knows if Nala got out and nobody did anything, I’d be devestated.

In other news… life is like this:

Because in part… my selection for President just got the VP nod from Biden. And it is TRULY interesting to see everyone act EXACTLY like predicted. Trump and his racist agenda is already churning up rumors that She wasn’t born here, can’t be VP (She was born in Oakland, CA). Because ANY black person with a parent who was an immigrant, to Trump, is “ineligible to be an American!” Meanwhile, the GOP is trying to scream that she is a socialist who is going to end things like guns and Capitalism and religion. And we’re already getting our Racist GOP dogwhistles going as Barry Presgraves, the mayor of Luray, Virginia made a Facebook post in which he said that Joe Biden “just announced Aunt Jemima” as his running mate. Or the more famous “I’m poc but have been a ridiculously douchy trumpian” statements like infamous Dinesh D’souza saying Kamala and Barack’s “black experience” aren’t “the proper black experience for American politics” or a Trump Surrogate saying “Harris isn’t black enough!!” Or Eric Trump saying of Kamala: “Whorendous”.

Meanwhile, the progressives in her own party are calling her a “Cop” and many truly nasty things because how dare a prosecutor do her job! And I get it. There are things that she did as a prosecutor that are genuinely upsetting to people. I GET THAT VERY WELL AS THAT IS MY FRIGGING JOB! If the laws of my state require, for example, that I place biological males in a male prison… I am required to do that. If the biological male claims to be transgendered pre-op; I’m sorry but I am required to follow and enforce the laws as written; shitty or not. Then people shout, “She blocked that person getting the operation in jail!” DUH, fuckers. (1) If that individual gets that operation while in jail, the State pays for it. Her employers wouldn’t be too happy to foot that bill and cost-saving is part of her job. (2) If she is/was required (which I don’t know personally) to keep biological males in male facilities and then one of them suddenly had the genitalia of a female… do you know how huge a Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA) liability that becomes?! I have PREA shit I have to deal with all the time just because these immature fuckers flash each other when they’re bored… how much worse would it be to have a woman-in-all-but-birth certificate be?

And I get it. Obviously. I’m biased. But I’m biased because of factual experience not emotional opinion. If she was the DA in your state, I appreciate that you can be pissed about how she did her job. I can 100% promise you that there are a lot of people that are pissed about how I do my job. But even the people who worked with and against her have said doubting her progressive and liberal heart is an offense to who the woman is and what she tried to do as a DA. And I would hope others would say the same of me. If there’s a kid smoking marijuana in my county? YES, I am convicting him of a crime! It is a crime in this state. Don’t treat me like I’m the shit just because you wish it weren’t criminal here. BUT what I can do is work with the kid to give him the minimum punishment allowable by law. That is the only way to both “do your job” and “maintain a progressive and liberal heart”. So… yeah. The giant world of people this week screaming that Kamala Harris shouldn’t have been selected because she’s “a pig” or a “representation of Blue Lives Matter” or whatever people are saying.... stop it. Do you know the kind of compromises that have to happen in order to be a Prosecutor that isn’t a Republican or at the very least a RINO? But you need people like Kamala… like me… like Jessica Reynolds. People who use prosecutorial discretion to simultaneously uphold justice while making sure justice isn’t being used exclusively to “fuck the little guy.” And yes… sometimes that means EVICTING people, too. Had that conversation this morning. Call me all the names in the book you want. But if you’ve used a rental property as your own private meth den while refusing to pay rent? Yeah. I’m not going to refuse to do my job as a favor to you. Either plead guilty to a drug charge and go to treatment; plead guilty to a drug charge and go to jail; or submit to the eviction and be homeless. When those are your options; I don’t feel bad being called the heartless bad guy!

Besides… it’ll be nice to have someone on the ticket that isn’t a creepy white guy over 60 with a history of inappropriate statements/behaviors. Because Trump, Biden, Pence? Don’t fit that bill. And yes, I honestly would have preferred to see Tammy Duckworth be selected for the VP nod but as she was born in Thailand, that may not have been do-able.

In the infuriating age of Mass Conspiracy Theories, here’s a Cracked article about Conspiracy Theorists who got owned. Just because… seeing some of these assholes put in their place may bring a temporary smile or a bit of hope back. Lord knows Victoria has been feeling very nihilistic lately with a “It’s all burning so fast” weighing on her heart. https://www.cracked.com/article_25057_6-conspiracy-theorists-who-got-owned-in-hilarious-ways.html?fbclid=IwAR36wT3RaqgY5_UzWtPGrc-0tKsnV6Srkdxqyzp4gNh0YPPppflj7zSpHqs&utm_campaign=social-account&utm_medium=link_classic_article&utm_partner=cracked&utm_source=facebookCKD

Good news… Victoria is walking Nala this morning and when she arrived… Nala was in the gate (super excited to see her) and there were no dogs prowling around the fence harassing her. So… at least from that perspective… good news.

Huh. So… about Victoria walking Nala. I’ll admit, I was nervous last night. Nancy was the one that said it’ll be fine and I would have nothing to worry about. And I know that. But this is me, we’re talking about. The very embrace of how I can intellectually know something and emotionally have no clue. So, from Victoria saying “Here!” to now is almost 1 hour. And I’m wondering… is this a long walk? Is Nala getting a good workout? Or is there something wrong? I am… I suppose anyone would feel this way. Nervous about someone walking their dog for the first time. Or is that weird?

Okay. Breathing easy. It’s funny. I obviously care a great deal for Victoria. I care a great deal for Nala. But until hearing that “We’re home and she’s super tired!” I seriously was worried. Me and my anxiety. lol.

So… fackit. Work time.
(1) Call the Vet: Done and Dusted
(2) Call the Divorce Attorney: TAG. Phone Tag continues.
(3) Call STS to discuss Violent Kids: Yuuuup, sorry friends but I keep telling you we’re powerless. If I, and the judge of this county, have said “He’s not our problem.” then the problem goes to the home county who says, “keep him in the STS”. Nothing I can do to force a different county to change their court case just because the facility in my county doesn’t want to do their job. Sounds harsh, but true.
(4) Investigate Domestic Abuse Report: He pushed her down on the ground and began “beating her about the head” to the point where she “scrambled from the home and ran on foot to the police station to request assistance.” When officers arrived, Defendant was “loud, hostile, irate, and combative” screaming and yelling until he “tired out” and “allowed officers inside the home.”
(5) Contact Victim of above who “loves him, doesn’t want anything to happen, and wants the charges dismissed”: Jovial… kind… tired from the Single Parent thing… swears to testify on his behalf but understanding when I said our position was the State making sure her rights (things like safety, not being assaulted, peace, etc) were protected.
(6) Schedule a Sexual Health Check… which I have to say something…

You know what is interesting but not at all surprising? I find myself excessively nervous about that sexual health checkup. Not because I expect they’ll find something wrong with me. Don’t think that at all. It’s for a much sillier reason. Because… after I get that health check… a clean STI report… that’s one less hurdle in Victoria and Chris’ sexual adventure. Not that I want hurdles. But… I mean… consider it from my perspective. Whether it is or isn’t… this feels big. The idea… the possibility of having sex with another woman. Obviously, it was going to happen at some point. No duh. And Victoria would be a brilliant “first time after divorce” because the nature of our friendship and the nature of who she is… it’ll be respectful, fun, instructive, supportive. All good things. But still. Taking active steps forward towards that possible first time with someone new… especially considering what happened with Nancy… it just… it feels like a lot. I mean… I’m excited, but nervous. A little scared.

...............and..... sexual health check… inevitably after much needless delay.... I looked to see if I could set up an appointment on-line instead of calling in. Just… due to embarrassment of asking for a Sexual Health Check Up. Which… isn’t “ooo, Chris can’t discuss sex” thing as much as it is a vestige of the “Marriage Failure” thing. Requiring/Requesting this is a responsible adult action that announces I will be having sexual intercourse with individuals to whom I am not married. And while… yeah, bring on the fun sex… there is still decades of built up moralistic and family expectations there. But it didn’t work. I can’t schedule the appointment online, I need to phone in. Speak with a receptionist to even find out who to talk to, then talk to that person. After much further delay… I am trying to convince myself that it is perfectly okay to call from work. Just close the door and make the call. Even though- yes, obviously, this would be much more comfortable a call to make in the privacy of my own home or car on my cell phone… but this office isn’t open but for when I’m at work. So… just do it, Chris.

Well… I called. At like 4 o’clock! But I need to be able to do this. It is my intention to get an STI check up prior to any new partner. It just seems the responsible thing to do to assure the new partner that I am healthy and free of any sexually transmitted diseases. Apparently, the doctor I called works both in the city I live in and the city I work in… so I have an appointment on Monday at 2:45 to tell a doctor “I’m getting divorced and feel it responsible to have a sexual health checkup before entering the dating world.” That’s… about as far as I know there other than likely a blood test. I have to say… looking this up on planned parenthood as a 36 year old… I feel more like a 14 year old right now. So… I don’t know how quickly results come back in. NOT LIKE I expect Wednesday will be the night we take things up a notch or anything but… definitely curious if I get results back faster than that if it’ll mean anything.

I’m going to stop talking now. lol. I find myself wondering if I should make this shorter and save in multiple posts so it would be easier to comment on but… I think I’ll just leave it like this.

So I appreciate that the following two pictures are One Punch Man Cosplay, and the one after that is Resident Evil Cosplay… and that I do tend to prefer the Asian Female Aesthetic in general… but hand to God, these outfits are pretty much “in the list” of… say Victoria or even Nancy wore something like this? Probably would have to actively restrain myself.

People Reveal ‘Non-Sexual Things That Feel Very Sexual’