Body Talks in Current Events

I feel compelled to write but I don’t have anything to say really. Okay, I do but it’s dumb and weird. Yesterday when I took my niece to a provincial park I caught myself checking out other guys. I wasn’t lusting after them I was sizing myself up and losing. Comparing and contrasting. I think this might be a thing for people who are gay. Lust or jealousy. Anyway, this just means that I have an opportunity here to develop some real fitness goals… but first I must hate my body and develop crippling insecurities. Kidding! That was the old me. I do like my physique and I need to be grateful for what I have. My body can do a lot that others can only wish for. I do think that there is room for improvement. I’m tall and lean so I have some challenges regarding building muscle. I don’t want to build muscle the usual way through weight lifting. Those muscles are more filled with fluid. I want to do bodyweight training, those muscles take forever to build because they are dense. The diet I would need to get jacked would take up too much of my time. The diet to get shredded is my default setting so it would just work. I wouldn’t have to quit carbs because of my metabolism and my plant-based diet. Craig Horner from Legend of the Seeker, his body is beautiful. It’s not too much. It’s a bit too little for today’s standards of male beauty but that is closer to what I can accomplish for myself. Blah, I don’t want to build my self-esteem around my physique because that would be a mistake. That was a lesson I already learned the hard way. Thinking that I would be young and supple forever. I want to do callisthenics, I have been trying to work on my flexibility, body strength and mobility. I don’t know where I would go to learn how to get this started but I think that Crossfit would be a good place to start. That would definitely help me develop the upper body strength that I need. There is a Crossfit gym that I keep driving by and Toni has said that she would join one with me. I should look up the costs today. I’m not going to jump on it because I do need to start getting more aggressive with my job search.

Speaking of job search. I am frustrated with myself because I am tired of cleaving to my fears and letting my anxieties call of the shots. What would my life look like if I wasn’t afraid of failure? That alternate reality of what my life could be is not something I need to feel sad about. Make those goals and ambitions Tom you big bloated bitch in a box. I was watching the premiere of Big Brother All-Stars (I know I’m lame) and when they introduced each cast member and showed them with their families… that’s what I want. A house in the country. Porch swing. A husband, his dog and our two boys. Gays in my city just want NSA. Okay, here I go making my marital status their fault lol. Man, conservatives are reading Tomi Lahren for filth for going “feminist” and blaming men for her marital status. Anyway, I am working on being honest with myself today and exploring the nitty-gritty of what I want in life. I am going to get more aggressive about my job search. A shitty job used to just be called opportunity. I know what I want to be when I grow up and I need to become excited about the adventure of getting there. Not afraid of it. I need to replace saying “I have to” with “I get to”.

Anyways, I heard this song on the radio. Such a fuckboy song, or is it e-boy now? Either way, who doesn’t like cocky boys once in a while? It’s been mostly country music for me but this song is sexy because I have no standards? I do have a predilection for south Asians, sue me. I don’ care for the video at all.

Curtis Waters - Stunnin’