God Has Spoken in meh...

That’s something I tend to say at the outcome of something.

My children’s other grandmother passed away from having COVID-19 about 2 hours ago. My daughter called me I’m guessing after she found out. That’s another funeral to go to. She talked about me behind my back, but she was alright. I hate to hear she’s gone.

As of late, when people have passed away, I keep quiet. Someone’s death is not about me or how I feel. It never will be. I go through this scenario like, I’m supposed to tell a story about where I was and know the exact time and date it happened. Like trying to take note of anything that happened that would spell it being a harbinger of what’s to come. I am overly dramatic.

I pass along my prayers for comfort now.

A friend I made on OD a long while ago. I stumbled across his page and he was so down in himself. I started talking to him. We became friends. We were thick as thieves internet style. We emailed conversations. He is cool. He started dating a woman that I was suspect about. He was crazy about her. I let him have it. When it blew up, he said no more women. Ok. We would virtually sit on a porch swing with pop rocks, vodka and other stuff. We would swing and not say anything. I put my head on his shoulder and we just chilled. Huckleberry. He and I rarely speak these days, but he is special to me. He had been in a relationship for a long time since the last one. I thought they would be wed. I mean they were engaged. Within the past few weeks, maybe month, time moves so fast, they split. This left him homeless and with not much money left.

He was hurting and had been posting what seems to be his life story. He didn’t really finish it. Two days ago he said these are his last words. He went on to say God was a myth and some other stuff. I asked him what he meant by that last words stuff. What he said to me lead me to believe he is planning to kill himself on Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday. This makes me grieve. I said to him that I will pray for him regardless if he believes in God or not. He called me an Angel. He always says that he will never forget what I did for him. I still don’t know what I did. I told him I love him forever. He asked me to be at peace with his decision. How can I be at peace with someone planning to kill themselves?? I just popped off of this entry to tell him that I never pegged him as a giver upper. If I knew where he was, I would call police or someone to find him.

I was supposed to go out and celebrate my sister Tippy’s birthday. It’s actually tomorrow, and we were supposed to go out last night too. Tonight they are out, but I’m not there. We are going to go over baby sis house and have a “party” there. Or at least that’s what the plan is. Tonight, I can’t.

Take care my lovelies.

Kindest regards,
Sister