Last Night to Today in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Oh, today has already been exhausting. Bugger.

So last night, I took the dog for a walk and… she… was different. She’s never viciously snarled at another dog ever. But there was a dog in the park and… girl went full beast mode. There are a few possible reasons for this
(1) The section of the walk we were in Nala sees as her squirrel hunting grounds. In a heightened and territorial state; she could have gone full nasty as a way of saying MY SQUIRRELS, BITCH!
(2) The fact that the dog was larger and unfamiliar upset her, so she went nasty
(3) The individual walking the dog started talking to me and Nala either (a) wanted to keep going and misbehaved or (b) sensed my sudden mood shift of “What, huh?” and responded
(4) After spending all day with children the day before, she was either tired or feeling anti-social

Just a few guesses. We finished the walk and came back home. I nuked some leftovers and started planing the rest of my evening… cleaning, cooking, another walk for Nala, and a long soak in the tub. Then Victoria rang and asked to come over. Of course, yes! Nala was chuffed to bits. Nala seriously loves that woman and goes full body tail wag when she comes over. But Nala continued her weird streak when she barked at Victoria when Victoria sat down next to me. So who knows what’s going on there. Victoria was more touchy (tactile) which was nice. Hand on my leg, hand on me. Then she asked for a backrub. I don’t know if she’s being very intentional about this or if she really is just bizzarro Nancy; but almost everything about Vicotria is uplifting. Like… Nancy would always respond to my backrubs with criticism. Too gentle or too rough or blah blah blah. After my backrub to Victoria? Her words were “I assumed you’d be decent at that but wow.” OF COURSE, I had to follow up… “Wow good?” “Very good. Very very very good.” So… hooray for me there! I then asked if I could kiss her in the manner I had grown accustomed to. Not because I wanted a response, or wanted anything of her other than simply… communicating “This is what I have grown accustomed to.” So I kissed her in the manner typically kissed between Nancy and I. Victoria looked sad. Like… almost heartbroken that THAT is what I had grown accustomed to. She made some kind of comment about “doing better” and kissed me several times. After she pulled away, she looked at my face and… I don’t know if she’ll ever get used to what my face does. Because after she kisses me, my face blossoms into a big smile. She describes it (accurately so) like a mixture between being grateful and appreciative and being happy. It’s a little weird to her (but she understands). But I mean… c’mon! It’s me. If a woman I’m attracted to kisses me… and kisses me in a way that really expresses something… yeah, my face is going to blossom into Goofy Smile Territory!

As she was leaving, we were discussing body size and body changes and how they relate to age. How her mother was twig skinny until she hit her 40s. So I brought her into the bedroom to show her a photo of my mom. I have photo collages of trips around the house because that is how Nancy did those things. So, I point out my mom to which Victoria says, “Okay, definitely your body shape.” And I smile and inform her… truer than you know as my mom was ALSO a very skinny person (like I was) before she hit 30. Victoria pointed out my brother in the picture (who was running away from the camera into the ocean) and asked if that was me. I told her no, and pointed out that the only picture of me in the collage was a shot of me at a lighthouse.

I do not know what passed through her mind. But her face contorted, she got a mischievous smile, looked as though she were about to say something… and stopped herself. This is not a woman who stops herself from saying something often so my curiosity was instantly peaked. I asked her to let me know and she said she thought better of it. I said please and she laughed with the response, “You don’t know how intensely you mean that please.” But then as she was leaving she did say, “But Chris, you deserve so much more affection than you’ve had. You really do.”

I don’t know why (NO IDEA) but I had a devil of a time getting to sleep last night. I think the max amount of sleep I got was 2 hours in a row and then a few minute segments here and there. Considering that… and the fact that Ames, Cedar Rapids, Marshalltown, and parts of Des Moines still don’t have power and cell towers throughout the state have been downed. I mean… Iowa ain’t exactly prepared for a Hurricane! So… honestly? I r e a l l y didn’t want to go into work today. Because nothing says Call the County Attorney and make ridiculous demands like “State-Wide Emergency.” Which… I get it. For a lot of people, we’re the easiest government agency to contact but.... what am I gonna do?! So… bah. BAH! I didn’t want to come in to work. So I e-mailed the judge for today and asked if he, like most of the judges in our district, were without power and phone. But nooooooooooooo. He was going to go ahead with his full schedule today because there WAS so much on the docket. Makes sense but… man… people were having bitch issues about getting to court because of COVID. COVID restrictions are still in effect (though reduced) and on top of that Hurricane Fall Out and Continuing Power Outages and Continuing Phone Outages and Continuing Net Outages are going to make shit PRETTY HARD! But fine. So, quick got dressed, threw the dog outside (fingers crossed for good weather), and drove to work. Then have been/am currently on the phone the whole time. “My traffic ticket blah”, “My rights to do what I want blah,” “just… so much… bullshit. Folks… I know I have been blessed by a large helping of Affluent White Privilege. I know that and I acknowledge that. But taking responsibility for your actions shouldn’t be like this! IF your actions damage someone else’s property… take responsibility. If your actions put others in danger… take responsibility. Damn!

My In Town Lawyer never called me back. I’m crossing my fingers about tonight. I’ll call my divorce attorney after my own hearings are finished today. Nancy is coming over tonight to play with Nala and finish watching SHIELD. 10 to 1 she’ll bring her laundry with her. It’s all okay. I don’t mind her being over. It is funny, though. When Nancy and I watched SHIELD (or anything) while married… it was I on one end of the couch, her on the other, and Nala between us. When Nancy and I watch SHIELD (or anything) now it is I on one end of the couch, her on the other, and Nala between us. But when Victoria and I watch Dr. Who on the couch? We basically take up one couch cushion between us, lol. And that, more than anything, is I think such a significant indicator about our marriage and why I should have let it die far sooner. If “married” can become “not married” with most activities remaining the same… what does that say about the marriage! But that is my night tonight. Tomorrow? While at work, Victoria is going to try to walk Nala. Fingers crossed and God Bless! Having her do that would be great if it works. We’ll see. Than my weekend should be pretty much cleaning, tidying, organizing, cooking, playing video games, and walking the dog.

Last updated August 13, 2020