She expects from you in Journal

what you should be getting from her.”
DH said to me yesterday.
I can’t really explain the level of gratitude, closeness, and affection that I felt for him when he said that. He was really trying to get me! He was trying- and succeeding- to really understand the problem that I have with my mom.

And, I asked him about what he thought of our time at my cousin’s party. He shrugged. It was alright, he told me. We went- we mingled, we spoke to the host, wished the birthday kids a happy time, ate some cake- and we left. He shrugged again. No big deal. Just a normal day.
I nodded. “Yeah, that was pretty much my experience as well. But you know- today, my mom told me that while we were at the party, she felt that I was intentionally trying to hurt her by avoiding her, not looking at her, and trying not to speak to her the whole time. She said she was really hurt by that.”
He frowned. What? I mean- we said hi to her and chatted- I mean, we definitely mingled a bit with everyone, and we weren’t ignoring her. We definitely said hi and had a conversation, though!
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I remember as well.” I said in agreement. “But, mom seems to believe that I was being intentionally hurtful. I tried to point out to her that she has some unrealistic expectations- that I should be worried somehow about how she’s feeling all the time, and how I am making her feel-“
Yeah, DH interjected, but that’s totally backwards! She should be doing those things for you, if anyone is going to be doing that.
“Right! Because she’s my mom, not the other way around. It’s like she has this idea that our roles are reversed.”
Yes- it does sound that way. She’s probably still dealing with her own childhood, and putting all those needs onto you.

I was really stunned that he had this insight. Although to be fair, I’ve been talking about this stuff for awhile, I was still amazed that he had internalized any of that information.