Last Night in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Last night as I lay in bed, I was looking through Tinder and OK Cupid as I sometimes do and swiping on the women that looked good or seemed interesting in their profiles. And I GOT MY FIRST MATCH! Someone that I said “Yes” to said YES to me!

It was Victoria. lol. So… not exactly surprising. But that does set up today’s entry nicely to discuss last night.

Victoria was going to come over and wanted to cook with me. So she sent me a grocery list to pick up on my way home. For those of you who don’t know: I get… Grocery Store Anxiety. In fairness, it is not all on Nancy. I am a perfectionist and if I buy (for example) “Powdered Garlic” when I was supposed to get “Garlic Cloves” I tend to go rather harshly with myself. But then, Nancy’s influence is certainly felt when it comes to grocery shopping and cooking (in spades). Because it was an area where I was less confident than she, so she used it as a power move. Mock Christopher because the same grocery list would take me 12 minutes to buy but takes him 48 minutes! Mock Christopher because while he will carefully measure out 3 ounces of Orange Juice explicitly; I’ll just do a quick eye n’ pour and it doesn’t make any difference. SO… I have my personal harshness along for the ride following Nancy’s negativity. And while both of those were certainly haunting me as I shopped; I was able to cope and deal. Looking for “dried parsley” but can only find “parsley flakes”… I’m not stressed. If Victoria is pissed about it; I’ll shrug my shoulders and say adapt. I can do this! AND I was able to grab the whole list within about 10 minutes… which also helps.

I raced back home, glad that shopping took such a short time so I could still give Nala a walk. I open the door into my home and....
Nala greeted me enthusiastically… with large pieces of stuffing falling out of her mouth! Damn dog was destroying the sofa again! She had just earned a reprieve from Kennel and Outside and had done two excellently well behaved days in a row!! DAMN!

So, I put her outside and tell her she’s out there for an hour. Cram the stuffing back inside the couch; grab an old blanket and create a make-shift solution to the whole “eaten couch” aesthetic. And take a shower.

During the Shower, my slightly inebriated Sister in Law calls me. She says she’s worried, wants to make sure I’m doing okay inside and out. I tell her that things are tough but friends help and that I have a friend visiting that evening. SIL freaks out because THAT IS SO BAD FOR BOTH OF YOU; and she goes on about how I shouldn’t even be required to be back at work yet let alone engaging in any kind of social activities! And… honestly… if my life were in any way different from what I’m currently experiencing? Maybe I’d agree. Maybe I’d be on her side. But I can’t be actively going to trials and dealing with Child Abuse, Rape, and Domestic Violence every day while simultaneously making sure I don’t ever never ever see anybody else. That’s… I am okay if this is selfish but quite truly- that is asking too much from me. Then, she said something after which you could have bowled me over with a leaf!! My SIL’s mother and I don’t get along well. SIL’s mom wasn’t great to SIL while we were growing up and the woman is and can be still VERY critical of others when there is no call to be. In fact… during my SIL’s wedding to my Brother… all of this may have come out… that I can certainly tolerate the woman as a part of the family but that she can be rather a bitch from time to time. SO… this woman… SIL’s mom… finally heard about the Divorce. And apparently her statement upon hearing?? “Good. Nancy was never good enough for Christopher. He needs to find someone much better.” So… still, clearly, a critical eye kind of response but… that may be the nicest thing that woman has ever said about me.

So I got out of the shower, read the messages that I had missed while actually in the water, and texted Victoria that she could come over whenever. What followed (and I’ll detail, I’m just SUPER busy today) was an interesting, excellent, and much needed night wherein I was able to say “Okay, these things can be similar but don’t have to be as bad” when it comes to some of the interactions Nancy and I used to have.

Victoria came over, gave me a hug straight away (which was nice, usually the hug is at the end) and petted Nala. Then we got to cooking. She did not chastise me on the ingredients purchased but did give suggestions on how to find some things that may be better in future. She also shared with me some excellent technique tips on cutting vegetables. And we cooked together which was… surprisingly more teamwork based than I’d realized. Typically Nancy would “cook” or I would cook. Whenever we “cooked together” it was typically.... me cutting the vegetables, me cutting the meat, me doing the preparation work… than Nancy would measure things out and stand as the oven added heat. Most of the time. Sometimes even that part would be to me. So this whole thing where I’m mixing ingredients while she’s cutting; than I’m doing something else while she’s doing something else… not only did the whole thing take half as long but it was twice as fun cooking WITH a person. That being said? There were definitely “this is who Chris is” moments. Like… the things that I can understand for Nancy were “This mother fucker!” but for someone new would be “Oookay, that’s quirky.” Like… Victoria asked me to open the green beans. So I popped all four cans. And there was this moment where she just kind of stopped and looked and thought, “Wait… what?” Because I had opened the green beans. Then she kind of slowed down and specifically stated, “Okay, now add them to the mixture.” And… yeah. That’s what it’s like cooking with me. I don’t know if things are supposed to be added, cut, mixed, cooked than added, if the order they are added makes a difference. I’m like… okay, if you’re in charge- you let me know what to do! Which is the kind of spirit that made Nancy go “He’s capable of writing, speech, and complex thought… but can’t figure out to butter a pan without being told?! What an idiot!!” Whereas, at least for now, Victoria is still just realizing this about me so it is more, “Wow. He’s capable of adult things I can’t even wrap my head around. But he can’t figure out cooking. Takes all kinds!”

The food was good. We ate it in the 3 Season Room (which was great because I always want to use that space for food/drinks/socializing but I don’t have the furniture set up in there for it right.... but for two people! So… two people eating a nice dinner in the 3 season room. Then we painted some more (we’re doing a cooperative Adult paint by number) and watched some Doctor Who. While we painted, I had the talk with her I’ve been meaning to have. The talk where I tell her that… I really, honestly, seriously, genuinely love her family. I care about her and her husband and her kids. And I don’t want to do anything that would make it even a little awkward or difficult for any of them. And then I said, “But I do still want you. I find you sexually attractive and emotionally appealing. So I just wanted you to know where I am with that.” After finishing the first Jodi Season for Dr. Who, it struck after 10 and it was time for her to leave and me to go to bed. We stood up and I went in for the hug, but she moved her head strangely and laughed and kind of righted me for a minute. Looked into my eyes and said, “Chris, I’m going in for the kiss.” Which apparently brought a look to my face that made her smile, laugh a little, and blush so… whatever the look was, yay me. And we kissed. It wasn’t a passionate, sexy, wild kiss. It was a woman that approached my face, opened her mouth slightly, and we kissed. And afterwards, she said that it surprised her how… comfortably… I kissed back. That she expected it to be more timid but it was better than she expected. Meanwhile, I’m just here thinking… this is the first woman other than Nancy that I’ve kissed on the lips since 2004. Like… for any reason. There are reasons to kiss other women on the lips that aren’t cheating… especially for an actor… but none of those every came up. This is the first new set of lips I’m experiencing in the last 15 years. I kissed a girl.

Now, I’m not going to be one of those guys that says “And now everything is wonderful and easy and better”. Hell no. But I will say this, because I’ve always thought it… seen it… known it. A strong person has strong supports. A gender-free version of “Behind every good man/woman is a good woman/man.” Or to quote Uncle Iroh who says it best:
And in the professional, political, and real world I am immersed in every day? Even without the kiss, last night would have been medicinal for me. Cooking a nice, healthy fresh meal… and in such a way that wasn’t negative but was fun. Doing a non-screen activity that inspires creativity and togetherness. Cuddling up, engaging in physical affection of even the most basic nature, while watching a fun and intelligent television program. All of that “relax and social” while still being “stimulating and healthy”. Necessary. Especially going into days like today.

First thing off the bat? Long, detailed meeting about a Sexual Assault case. The victim? Poor little black girl from hell. She’d watched her father’s murder before she was 5. In order to make money, her mom was a prostitute but couldn’t take johns anywhere other than the one room apartment. So little girl just sat on the edge of the bed. State finally took Little Girl away when the mom started overdosing on pills and drugs. Little Girl is adopted by “a nice white family” that is “very involved in their local church.” Only problem is… older white rural Adopted Daddy sees this little black girl what’s gone through hell and starts telling her, “Your mommy was a prostitute. It’s in your blood. That’s all you’re good for.” Little girl starts giving Daddy handjobs. Then oral sex. Then Mommy walks in one day and is furious at the little girl; so she runs away to tell someone. Then I and the Law get involved. Arrested Daddy. Got Mommy telling the police she saw Daddy and Adopted Daughter. Daddy is trying to use The Lord and Temptation as his crutch. It was just this little girl was clearly born a prostitute and was acting like a prostitute and the temptation became too much! (almost an exact quote).

But here’s where shit gets… interesting. Here’s where shit gets… Law & Order versus Reality. Defense is filing a Motion to Suppress the confession. The claim is that the confession was “coerced, involuntary, or made under false pretenses of a promised for exchange.” Because they are arguing if any of the officers said, “Confess to this and we can get you help” or “What was going on, here? We can take care of this without charges if you come clean.” or “As a religious man, wouldn’t it be better for your soul to confess?” or the most famous case about this referred to as THE PROPER CHRISTIAN BURIAL SPEECH : This is a case where they knew they had the guy who killed the girl; but they couldn’t find a body. Standard rule of law… no body, no murder. So the cops said, “Listen… don’t you want this girl to have a proper Christian burial? Think of her mom and her sisters. Think what may happen to her if we can’t find the body. Doesn’t she deserve that? Doesn’t she deserve a proper Christian burial?” CAN’T DO THAT. The prosecutors were not allowed to use the fact that the Defendant could lead the officers to the victim’s body because the act was compelled through coercion.

So… we’re going to have a hearing where a judge gets to tell us all whether the Defendant’s confession gets to be heard by a jury. Because if HE volunteered that he was a Christian man and this foul temptress took advantage of his charity and hospitality… we can get that in. If our officers used similar language to that? It could be kept out.

So that meeting was from 8 a.m. to 10 a.m.
10: Magistrate Court Starts. Dozens and dozens of pretrials. Finally taken care of.

This next part is important in understanding Criminal Justice
11:00- two well known hoodlums and thieves had been charged with Trespassing as they were trying to case a place. All I need to convict them of this crime is for the Homeowner to show up and say (a) yes, they were on her property; and (b) no, they did not have permission to be on her property. Defendants didn’t show up at all. (THAT is an important fact). BUT the homeowner didn’t show up either. SO as a matter of law, I am required to dismiss the case. State’s witnesses were not present is a more egregious failure to the Court than Defendant’s lack of presence. Thus dismissal.

But I had a bigger case coming up. 1 guy, 1 victim, 5 charges. After years of Domestic Abuse, she finally got a No Contact Order. Asshole is escalating. First, a text message. 1 VNCO. Then a text message and a response to her saying “I’m calling the cops”… the response was “Like I give a fuck?!” 2 VNCO. Then he e-mails her a bunch telling her that she can’t take their child on vacation with her; she can call the cops but he’ll fuck them up and then come for you! 3 VNCO. Then he texts her, “I’m coming over to see my kid. Don’t try to stop me.” 4 VNCO. She takes a shower and as she is getting out of the shower; HE’S IN HER LIVING ROOM 5 VNCO. So now there are 5 cases and I’m realizing he is (a) escalating; (b) has no fear of police; and (c) is a clear danger to the victim. SO… I pull out all of the stops. I have 43 pages of evidence; I have five police officers testifying; I have the victim testifying… I’ve got this case covered!

Time for trial? Defendant isn’t present. Defendant decided he didn’t care enough about his own trial to be here. MAGISTRATE (by law) MOVES THE CASE TO A DIFFERENT DAY. Because… if Defendant isn’t present AND State isn’t present? That’s a dismissal. If Defendant isn’t present AND State is present? That’s a continuance. BUT after a few additional trials; we see the opposite happen. Defense is present. My one State Trooper witness isn’t present. Defendant is present but State is not present? Case dismissed. Our system desperately protects the defendants. Because think about it… There can only ever be three outcomes. Defense and State don’t show up: DISMISSED. Defense shows up; State doesn’t: DISMISSED. Defense doesn’t show up; State shows up… we’ll continue the trial, give the Defendant more time to work up the courage or intelligence to get here. NOW… there is a RARE 4th thing. If it is a scheduled fine with NO ROOM for deviation.... SOME CASES like a speeding ticket… if Defendant isn’t present but Prosecutor is? Default, Defendant pays the penalty previously listed on the ticket. So… yeah. If it is just magistrate court? Don’t feel any pressing urge to be there!

SO… that was my day. I’m tired. I’m exhausted from a solid 8 am to 4 pm go go go go meeting, trial, trial, trial, trial, trial, trial, trial, trial. Tonight? IF I’m doing things right?

Walk the Dog
Do some Yard Work
Do the Dishes
Additional Yard Work
Tidy Areas of House which have become Mess
Eat Food, Feed Dog, Empty Dishwasher
Walk the Dog Again
Make Grocery List
Do Laundry
Find time in schedule for (and work up the testicular fortitude to ask about) a Sexual Health Check Up.

Then crash. Hard.