Koinu: Worried Sick in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Oh.
Shit.
Seriously.
This is worry and questioning approaching the level of making me sick.

As you may be aware, Nala has taken to destructive chewing again. She has destroyed many a bed linen and last week, ripped open a pillow spreading down and pillow guts around the entire bedroom. This meant that she was no longer allowed in any room of the house while I was out except for the living room (where she can see out of the window) and the dining room (where she has access to her food and water.) I THOUGHT this would help. After all, I’ve been desperately searching the county for people to help with Nala since she is a high energy, high intelligence dog that gets bored too easily… and despite offers of cash, requests for assistance, and going to Mom Groups to see if anyone has a responsible teenager who wants money… I have had ZERO luck. Therefore, I must rely on my own solutions and limiting Nala’s access to space and items to destroy… I thought would help.

Last night, I came back from work. There is a video if you follow me on instagram. Nala had torn the entire side out of the back of the couch. Had spread foam, stuffing, and thread throughout the two rooms she can access. A couch destroyed and a mess created. SHIT. Okay. That tears it. As much as I hate hate hate hate the idea? She needs to be in her kennel when I’m at work. No way around it. I despise the idea of putting her in her kennel for 10 hours a day; but if she is going to act out like this when I’m gone, for her safety and the protection of my house, I have to do it.

It kills me to consider that. This is a high energy dog and one of the most social breeds. Living through a Divorce (so her Mamma is gone) and a Pandemic (so no steady stream of visitors/visiting others). And because she is bored and has high energy and wants to DO SOMETHING during the day… I stick her in a kennel where she will be MORE bored, have LESS ability to express her energy? It just seems… cruel.

So, after removing the stuffing strewn about the house, we had a walk and playtime and some training and then I went downstairs to try to get some more PC stuff fixed. I couldn’t. Apparently, the idea of a PC playing a game made prior to 2005 is the stuff of fantasies.

And then- it was time to go to bed. Yeah. The adult life SUCKS when you come home at 5 and are in bed by 10. Nala requires at least a 1 hour walk in addition to playtime so… my life is exceedingly “Work, Dog, eeeeeeeeeensy bit of time, sleep. Repeat.”

And then the concerns for the dog escalated.

She did the thing where she gets me up at around 3:00 because she has to go outside. I wake up, go into the hallway… and notice stuffing, thread, and foam in the hallway. As I turn the corner? She had continued to rip the side out of the couch and had pulled out even more of the couch guts. SO… while I’m at work, kennel. But I can’t even fall asleep without Nala destructive chewing?? If I have to put her in a kennel in order to sleep? That dog will be spending an average of 18 hours a day in a kennel!! That seems… sadistic. An intelligent, high energy dog who needs stimulation (and either solves or breaks Puzzle Toys within 30 minutes)… being locked in a cage for 18 hours?

So, I’m left with a very terrible question in my heart… and contemplating it gets me to tears because I love that dog… but I have to do what is best for her. WOULD SHE BE BETTER OFF IF I GAVE HER UP? If I can’t provide the things she needs; wouldn’t it be better to get her back to a shelter or to a family that might be able to get her what she needs? Seriously… I’m getting sob eyed and choked up here thinking about this. I love that dog. But… that means doing what is best for her.

I have two more Hail Marys that I can try but if they fall flat, I have to give her up.

(1) Convince Nancy to fucking do something. I mean… I know the entire history of our marriage was me demanding that Nancy fucking do something with the repeated response of “No. Why?” And I know that I can’t expect any different now. Shit, this woman treats pets and people like commodities and even if she does love Nala; she doesn’t care enough to go out of her way for the little girl. But at the end of the day? What has Nancy done all summer?!?! She’s seriously dated a lot. She’s gotten a 16 hour a week job. She’s contemplated what she’s going to do about school. THAT IS IT. She hasn’t even gotten her own bank account set up; so she is literally still living off of me for everything she owns, buys, purchases… her rent, her car, everything. WHY IS IT SO IMPOSSIBLE FOR HER to make time for the damned dog SHE PICKED OUT! All I’ve asked is for her to come over a few times during the week while I’m at work to walk the dog, play with the dog, engage the dog. And that’s too much to ask. Selfish CUNT. This dog needs more in life than a busy attorney with chronic pain who can throw a few hours at the end of the day her way.

(2) Since THAT is unlikely to the point of impossible… I could ask Victoria. She’s… not sure if she’ll be able to keep her job because they don’t want to send their children to school with the COVID still on fire. So… if she has to quit, I could ask her to take some of that extra time and walk the dog/play with the dog and I’d throw her 20 bucks a day or something.

But… yeah. That’s where I am right now. I know Nala isn’t doing this to be mean. In fact, she honestly looks like she’s super sorry afterwards. More of an “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that” expression. But which would be more mean TO HER? Giving her up; or keeping her?