Discovering Parenthood in Journal

is uncovering everything that went wrong with my childhood.
And if I do not condemn that, I will not change. If I don’t internalize the condemnation of evil, wrong, or abusive actions, then I will not have sufficient motivation to change.
Because change is difficult and demanding. Change is not easy. I can attest to the work, the sheer force of will, and the devastating emotional turmoil that is necessary to change. We are not meant to change. We are not designed for change. It goes against our human nature.
Humans, until relatively recently, lived in smaller groups and hardly ever traveled too much. Small groups were heavily incentivized to think, act, and believe similarly. In-group preference is so strong among small groups that people who live by in-group preference will often die, kill, terrorize, or destroy themselves to protect their group.
All that changed relatively recently with the advent of universalized values. These universalized values (all groups are held to the same standards, all people hold value, etc) are at odds with group preference values. This is why Christianity is and has been at war with Islam since it’s inception. Although the values, hard won and slow to spread as they are, have changed for the better, our biology and our psychology has not changed. These are very slow to adapt, and quick to regress.
However, it’s only the individual that is capable of change. It is only my responsibility and no one else’s. Not even the world that I find myself in. If I give up my responsibility and blame anyone else, I also give up any hope of change. If I am unhappy, it cannot be anyone else’s fault; it cannot be my family’s fault; it cannot be my mother’s fault; it cannot be the governments fault. It can only be my own fault. For if it were any of those other things, I am utterly helpless to find my happiness.