stressed/Nicole is preg again/Rocky is annoying in Second 1st

I’m having a tough day. … I’m somewhat off and I blame it on the anxiety. I know lots of people out there never got to “stay home” or work from home and that this is a bit whiny .... but that doesn’t discount how I feel. I don’t want to go back. I’ve had less dizzy episodes and migraines while I’ve not been stressed. Of course not being stressed is because there were no physical /emotional strains. I was getting paid to be home with expectation of returning and it wasn’t me or a doctor saying when I’d go back but the job itself. That was a huge load off stress. Now I’m all butterflies. What if I don’t show up early enough tomorrow to learn the new procedures for the gate and am late? What if I’m so early no one is outside to show me? What if I’ve forgotten everything.... I told Rocky about my worries and he said “You worry like that when you go on regular shut down”.... which is only a weekend off usually for the 4th of July.

I just know I’m going to be back to feeling like shit 3 days a week and spending Monday recouping.... and now D&D so maybe Tuesday too. Then having to make my food for the weekend Thursday because packaged stuff for 3 days will have me worse off. Don’t forget to refill the meds in my lunchbox.... did you wash your masks? .... trying to deal with them because honestly I haven’t had to wear one for more than 20 mins this whole time! I hope that wearing it 12 hrs a day for 3 days is something I can do.... of that there are enough exceptions.... like Ïf you are on line one inspection.... ” Inspections are likely to get a visit from 1 person twice a day.... if lucky otherwise they are alone all day.... no need for a mask right?

Nashville is sliding back to Phase 2 basically the dine in places are back down to half capacity from 3/4 and the bars are closed. .... We won’t go back to a full shut down. I don’t blame the mayor for doing it but honestly it’s not going to accomplish anything. One day last week we had 1,806 new cases.... in a day.... the highest we’ve had so far…

I”m not looking forward to being with people and not being able to hear them because of masks and machines. I’m scared how these damn masks are going to effect how I work.... How I make it through the day.... surely I can chew gum but no bubbles.... What’s for lunch? The break room cafe will be closed till further notice. Not that I ever ate that stuff before.... but I also don’t want to cook anything. I don’t know....

William felt the need to see me before we went back to work. We had dinner Tuesday night. Our Mexican place… Conversations were normal. I told him about Shelby and T and D&D and made sure he understood I was upset that he just abandoned us. He apologized, said he missed me…let me talk forever before telling me… NICOLE IS PREGNANT AGAIN!..... This makes 3 with his now ex wife and 3 with Nicole.... then Nicole has 4 with other baby daddies.... so between the 2 of them they will now have 10 kids! ages 17-fetus. It’s always a shock when he tells me they are having another kid.... starting to wonder if that’s the only reason he tells me.

I’ve got to type out the game from Monday.... figure out something for dinner.... diamond paint for a little bit and get to bed early.... and speaking of the D&D game from Monday.... Rocky and I need to go over our character sheet to make sure we aren’t missing things. Luke is insistent that there are skills everyone has inherently .... I don’t have any of those on my paper.... also I have no languages ..... Rocky’s guy is all jacked up because when he’s died he’s just putting it on the same sheet.... The 1/2 Orc’s name is Conzins.... wait wasn’t that the halfling.... smh get with it buddy.

We’ve had a hard time talking lately.... seems like every time I say anything about anything he’s got an opposing view.... or already KNOWS what I’m saying so I get cut off. Or the opposite I say nothing and he NEEDS explanation for the tiniest shit. Like I was standing in front of chips… “What do you need?” “I wanted those ones I like” as I scan over the bags and find them before I finish the statement. Ï thought you meant these”Picking up something I also like.....”Why didn’t you tell me what you were looking for?” “Because I knew I would find them it’s not like I needed to inform you.”..... We didn’t talk the way home from groceries.

3 days in a row he told me he needed to make an appointment to the CPAP place to get a different type of mask. 2 days ago he got upset about it.... it was a bit later than I would have liked for bed as we had been out with William. I wrote it on the whiteboard “call about Fucking CPAP”.... I reminded him the next day as soon as he got up. When he’d gotten off the phone with them I reminded him that it’s not my responsibility to take care of those things. If he needs to make an appointment he needs to do it without nagging me about it.

New shoes.... I’d bought new shoes and good 2 weeks ago they got here. Same brand/size as I currently had.... “You gonna wear your new shoes today”.... “nah I’m gonna wear then just the few days before I go back”.....Monday “You gonna wear your new shoes?” “Nah, I’ll get to it”..... you see I’m walking in the mornings.... I get up… get dressed.... put on my shoes and walk.... I am not in the frame of mind to “put on new shoes”.... hiking my foot up to put on my shoes is like #1 on things causing pain in my hip. I do not want to do that more than once a day..... Yesterday he asked again..... Like… I bought them… I know they are there.... I know I’ve got to line them up to wear for work cause that’s why I bought them..... i don’t need someone telling me that. I told him as much… that I didn’t need him nagging me to do something I’m going to do anyway....

It’s just all WTF like It’s got to be me.... just losing patience with bullshit..... It will pass when I get back to work right? .... when we are back to communicating after things actually happen instead of all the time cause we have nothing better to do.... lol… yeah that sounds right.