Decision Made in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Well… the decision was made.

Despite me taking Friday off and preparing my house and making sure everything would be just right for my parents to visit…

So of course they called me Thursday night to say that they weren’t coming and were instead going to get a dog.

So, I know that my parents have been very giving people throughout my life. I was a sick kid and I had my own issues. They’ve always been immensely financially generous to me. All of that. So I automatically think I’m out of line for how I think here. But… it feels like a selfish move. It feels like they are valuing their own “we want a dog, let’s get a dog, yay we have a dog” over visiting their child during a time of struggle.

And then the other dark thoughts come. Like… They would never do this to my brother because he gave them a grandchild.

And I remember that… the last time my parents were here; was before Nancy and I had even discussed separation in Marriage Counseling. And yes, I’ve seen them since. I’ve gone to visit them. I’ve gone to visit my brother. And as the single guy without a partner or child to worry about; I see how the logic is “It is easier for you to visit us then for us to come see you.” And in a logical sense… I get that.

But it also re-paints a lot of my past relationship issues. Why was I so upset when Thompson refused to visit me and the only time we’d see each other was when I visited her? Why is it that constantly being treated as a “safe, understanding” guy that “doesn’t mind being deprioritized” pisses me off so much in a dating relationship?

I mean… imagine, if you can. Your son is going through a divorce, during COVID19, and you are aware that it has been hard for him as his ex is already dating other men. Your son is semi struggling with isolation while dozens of life affirming trips and activities he was looking forward to have been cancelled. Your son is the Special Victims Prosecutor while going through all of this; so his job is constantly hitting him with dark emotional labor. And the first trip planned to visit him since before any of that began.... you cancel within 24 hours because “We have the chance to get a dog, so we’re going to do that instead.”

I shouldn’t be so hard on my parents. They haven’t had a dog since Hope died so it has been almost a decade for them. But… honestly. You know your son is going through a lot and the first trip to see him… nah, we’re getting a dog. Just… upsetting. Kind of… shows me how everyone that loves me sees me as “less of a priority.”