FYI in Your Face

Ernie went to sleep last Friday. It was, and still is, utterly devastating.

I’ll tell the full story some other time.

Things are pretty shit in all areas right now. I had to ask my mother for a loan to try and dig myself out of some stupid debt. My dog is dead. My relationship isn’t in a good place and we’re fighting and tired all the time. My apartment is a DISASTER. I need to tell M that I am not comfortable driving any more because I’m just losing my SHIT and taking really stupid and irresponsible risks. Until I get my shit together, I just can’t do it. My hair has been falling out quite a bit over the last month, I even find it in clumps in my bed. Hopefully my stress levels go down soon. I have noticed that I’ve stopped gagging at every single thing, it’s only a couple of times a day now, so that’s progress. I think I might have finally shifted another two pounds (being a total of 22 pounds down), but it’s still sort of bouncing up and down so I don’t know. I’ve reached a balance point between the amount of activity I do versus the amount of food I eat when stoned, so I actually have to be a bit more conscious about that. My sister is in New Zealand and she borrowed a phone to message with me about Ernie, which I appreciate a LOT… but I’m looking forward to her getting back to Australia so I can just text normally with her. I need her. And I need my brothers. At least now I can plan a visit back. My mother will pay, of course, because I’m a shit child. But we were quietly waiting on Ernie before making any plans. They haven’t called me yet to come and collect his ashes. I need that, too. I need him home so I can start moving forward. I don’t know what we’ll even do with him, but I can NOT bury him in New Mexico and then leave him here when we eventually move. I refuse to leave him behind.

Okay I guess you’re updated now.