remembering people for who they were not who they are. *on the evan front* in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

so yeah. more on this.

Ya know. last yr. - March actually - when evan and I started hanging out again. sure he was ranty and upset and emotional [well I mean who wouldn't be? his, our, best friend had just passed, so] but he was also sweet to me. and fun. and funny. and so damn devoted. he helped me tremendously more than anyone else had like. ever.

but when we talked yesterday he was. well he was kindof flat. he was starting too get to the point of spiking out. which he did a lot last yr. but um. as much as I didn't like that it also helped me get to know him. he'd rant about how angry he was. and at least then I knew how the fuk he was. what emotion he was feeling. and now I don't.

he was passionate ya know? and connected. in the same way I am.

I think everyone has potential and yeah I still think he does. now he might or might not but it's also bc I'm remembering him for he was and also seeing him for who he could be. not. as he is now. which I think we all do sometimes. I did this w/ my mom for. awhile a long while. remembering her as she was.

ya know weird as it is. maybe next time he phones I should let him spike out. provided I'm not inside of course. cause that's the only other solution I got right now.