Six of Pentacles in Weight Loss Surgery

So my advice for today is the 6 of Pentacles. This one kinda came out on it’s side - not truly urpright or reverse so I’m not sure how to read it.

It shows a person giving coins to what I presume are “the poor” with his right hand and holding a small set of scales in his left. The 6 pentacles are around his head. sixes are about communication and pentacles are usually about money. So communicating with your money or at least with something you are abundant with.

The book says the scales shows the balance of the giver’s heart as he gives to the poor without judgement. Upright means money given justly and reversed means money given unjustly, for example a bribe or giving just to receive something in return.

I don’t believe I use money that way. A lot of times when I give money to others, it’s only when I can afford not to get it back - even when someone else promises to return it.

That doesn’t happen so much nowadays, but when I was younger I did have one friend who always needed money or we (me and Teach) were always spotting her for things and in the beginning me and Teach would be mad when she wouldn’t give it back and we’d be tallying what she owed but over time I just got used to the fact she’s never gonna pay us back and I only gave to her what I could afford to lose. Teach kept on being mad for a long time more than me and I kept telling her to keep it in her head that if she CHOSE to give money to this friend to KNOW she wasn’t getting it back.

I don’t really remember the details of why we had money and she didn’t. This was like in college and soon after, before I had met Will. Maybe me and Teach had jobs and she didn’t? She had an estranged dad who would give her money sometimes but when he did, she’d never pay us back. She always seemed to be broke and I can’t remember why. But she was our friend and we did like and she was bold enough to ask for it and we were weak enough to feel bad and give it.

It’s funny cause this “friend” actually ghosted us both in like 2014. She moved out of state, and we knew she was moving, but once she moved she stopped taking our calls. She was friends with other people we knew but not me and Teach.

I had always wondered if maybe she read my online diary or somehow overheard something mean me and Teach had said. I dunno.

But in the end I was really mad at her for ghosting us so I stopped reaching out. Teach was really sad about it and attempted to contact her for a LONG time desperate to find out the reason why she didn’t want to be our friend anymore.

Part of it could have been that she was dating a woman that was really bad for her and she said she was moving to get away from her but part of us wondered if maybe that woman moved with her and she just didn’t want to tell us her real plans…

ANYWAY it’s only been I guess this year that I’ve gotten back in touch with her. I blocked her from everything but then I saw that she looked at my LinkedIn. It had been so many years that I unblocked her and reached out.

It turns out she had the surgery! The surgery I’m now getting. And I guess she’s the reason I started researching weight loss surgeries again. I had even told her I wasn’t going to get the surgery she got but was interested in balloons.

But now that the balloon option is out the window I’m getting the same surgery she got. And that Shauna got. And that a few other people I know have gotten! It seems like everyone gets this surgery and keeps it hush hush. And then when I see them on FB and they’ve lost a ton of weight, I thought they just had some determination that I never had. It would make me feel bad about myself and I’d be too embarrassed to ask them what they did because I didn’t have faith in myself to follow their exercise and diet.

Turns out they got rid of half their stomach and that’s the only way they could do it too.

I plan to be more open about it with a few of my obese friends once I actually am confirmed I’m getting it.

Right now insurance will cover it As Long As we qualify. And that’s where all the tests come in. So I don’t wanna tell anyone yet and then be denied a few months down the line and be all disappointed. Even though I don’t really think we’ll be denied - I just wanna wait.

Maybe until I wake up from surgery and see cuts on my stomach and know for sure it actually happened for me!

You know what else I’m surprised about? How many people are smaller than me and went through with it!

There are people who are like 5‘5” and 200 lbs - I forget the BMI - and they’ve gotten the surgery done.

And 200lbs I don’t think I even thought I was so bad off to want the surgery.
And I’d be over the moon to be 200 now!

I feel super judgy to say someone of that size doesn’t need it but sometimes I see their before pictures and they don’t even look bad!

Oh well anyway, back to tarot. I don’t think I am someone that gives with an agenda and condescendingly. Although I mainly only give to cat causes or to my sister.

I pulled and Angel Answers card hoping to get clarity and I got the recovery card again which advises to take time to regain strength. Strategize healing - take small steps towards the big picture lifestyle you want with gratitude. But keep it private so no one else can put it down.

Maybe I shouldn’t be talking to this new friend about my surgery if I’m supposed to keep it quiet? I only told her so I could get info from her on how it really was.
She thinks she made a great decision getting it and I do think she needed it as much as I did.

It’s so weird - I’ve always been fat but she wasn’t.

I’ve know her since HS and she was a petite (like 5ft) small little thing.
Maybe the freshmen 15 turned into the freshmen 30 - I dunno.
Then after college eventually she got her own apartment and I guess started snacking more.
I think everyone when they first move out and can eat what they want gets a buncha chips and ice cream just because of the freedom,

I dunno what her weight was but she got pretty big since she was so short.

She began to hide from people who knew her cause it was a BIG change from the cute little thing she was.

Maybe she was more depressed than I realized. Hell, I could be depressed and I hide it too.

I don’t know when she got this surgery. She’s 85lbs down and that seems like the type of weightloss you get in a year with the surgery so I guess it was recently.

She may have gained more when she moved and cut off contact with us - I don’t know her highest weight.

I guess I’ll just lay off telling her - there isn’t much to tell right now anyway except that I want it and was lamenting over how long it’s gonna take.

So I guess I am gonna leave that old friend alone regarding my surgery. She doesn’t want to give up any info. When I asked her how long it took for her she said she doesn’t remember. It’s not like she got this 10 years ago. At max this happened 2 years ago so I guess she just doesn’t want to go into it. Which is fine but doesn’t help me.

We’re not really friends anymore after she ghosted me and Teach years ago. I’ve added her back to social media but we’re no where as close as we used to be.

Last updated December 20, 2020