unexpectedly long in Second 1st

We ended up not playing AGAIN! I messaged about changing the time but William hasn’t said anything at all :(. I can move forward Krystal and Rocky but Rocky would really have to actually play his character instead of hanging back in every fight like he does now. Nicole would stay at The Knuckle and William would stay at the tree waiting for Nicole. Eventually, William would go back and honestly they might decide to just work on the town.... no need to go find Steelhand Hall. I just have to wait though.

Rocky came home from work early yesterday. He’d called me about 5 to complain that he wasn’t being sent home. They’ve had another case of COVID (3-4 now) and everyone was being sent home at 3.... except his department and the one he supplies. It was an hour later when he came home. Apparently the whole department had left just after break and their supervisor told his that she might as well send them home because they didn’t need any more stuff. Rocky’s team left at 6 and It was a pain even this morning. He’d called the hotline to see if he even had to go in and apparently last nights shift had been canceled but today’s was not. Rocky wanted to make a big deal about not seeing the cleaning crew that is supposed to go in after each case is discovered to clean the entire building. I tried to explain that they likely went in last night but he was all about how if he didn’t see it then it didn’t happen. Whatever!.... Also, this morning he was complaining about his stomach :( so I half expect him home early today anyway.

We got our blood work back.... my white blood cells are a little high but that’s consistent with previous testing. Rocky seems to have something questionable with his liver and they would like to have an ultra sound done :(.

I’ve lied to Destiny err not lied yet but plan to..... Krystal is going back to work the 8th. Honestly, this has me worried that we will go back either the 5th or the 12th. I’m positive it will be the 12th as they did say “mid-June” hopeful for the 19th BUT..... I told Destiny that I would have to stay here through the weekend because Jerry would message me Sunday evening at the latest to let me know if we work the 5th. It wasn’t really a lie.... but I’ve decided not to go. I have a list of reasons..... i want to go but.... on my own it’s probably not a good idea.

1) Yes the trip up there would probably cost more than I want it to.
2)Of course I’d be putting myself and everyone I’d come into contact with after in possible danger of catching the stupid virus.
3)The eating whatever.... not making real choices or buying my own food would definitely have me feeling not so well by the end of the week. Which Rocky’s real worried that I’d make it up fine but the drive back not so much.
4) They don’t eat breakfast.... Lunch is grab and go.... Dinner is the only set meal.
5)I’d be sleeping on the couch in a house where 9:30 is the earliest they go to bed.- Which only works for me in the case of getting a hotel room.... refer to reason 1.
6) She wants me for a whole week. The audition is on Friday the 5th so I’d have to go up 29th .... then if I didn’t leave till Sunday.... or Tuesday and stayed that many less days.... welp she wants me to stay more days after.... as if the important part is staying a whole week and not being there for the audition.....This bothers me like it’s suddenly become more about the amount of time and not about me being there at all

I don’t want to lie to her really. If I told her the truth though it would hurt her with no real need for it. The truth is that I’ve got issues and accommodating those is a burden. I mean it’s a burden to ME so there is no way anyone can convince me that it’s not to them unless they already eat low sodium foods and go to bed at 7-8 pm.

I technically haven’t lied to her yet .... I will though. I will tell her I got a message from Jerry saying we go back the 5th. She’s already asked if I can just not go being as they said “mid-June” and I’d be in MI so they can’t MAKE me..... I said “Sure, but I’d not get paid that week even by unemployment and I’d risk losing my job altogether.” .... She has to understand that..... even if it’s untrue.... I just don’t want to go really.... It’s too much work right now. So there is that.... now just the doing.... I’ll message her about it that Sunday. I could on Friday but I’m afraid she’ll beg for the few days in between.

I want to go and get a hotel room for the few days/week even get up in the morning and go to Tim Horton’s for a coffee and bagel. Hit her place before Critter leaves for work (5:30am) and hang out in the quiet till she gets up.... maybe start coffee for her.... hang out and play Phase 35 (lol). Practicing “Daddy’s Hands” at least once a day for the audition. Mostly just hanging out. Jake would come by at least once and I have other not so nice thoughts about other possibilities there.... though I would never. Especially if I was to return to my hotel room around 7 each day. She lives only 2 blocks from the hotel I’d stay in so I may even do a bunch of walking ..... depending on the location of Tim Horton’s.

It sounds nice and simple but when you add sleeping on the couch and not knowing when/what I’d be eating..... knowing that after only 3 days I’d have trouble driving home because I’d have such an overblown migraine and dizziness ....Just doesn’t seem worth it? realistically.

Paid bills yesterday .... I’m a month ahead on the house note so I’m not due till July 1. I had enough in the house account to pay that much ahead! .... I opted to order Rocky his recliner. It’s on sale on Wayfair.com .... said it wouldn’t be here till the 2nd of June.... good that gives me plenty of time to get rid of the couch.... got a text this morning saying it was on it’s way and would be here Tuesday!..... UM what? .... so I asked Rocky while he was getting ready for work what to do with the couch. I honestly don’t care. We got it for free and it’s been good to us. I may post it for free.... I may not and have to take it to the dump or whatever....

I just bought a recliner for Rocky.... he picked one out with built in massager. I’d said out loud the other day that I was thinking maybe sitting up to sleep would help with this “joint pain” he’d agreed. When I told him I bought his chair first he said “maybe I’ll sleep in it at night then”..... ???? like I can’t sleep in his chair?.... why didn’t I order both… or 2.... because I”m afraid it will be uncomfortable for him and in that case we will be buying him another one and that one will be mine.... because that’s how it works. Then we will be selling/giving it away before Christmas as we will need to get a sectional to have space for butts.

Can think of nothing else to say right now.... but dang this entry is kinda long.... wasn’t expecting that.

Last updated May 23, 2020