Mentally Ill in My this and that

Today I am thankful for my wonderful husband who puts up with me.

But sometimes I feel he shouldn't have to.

How wrong of me it is to wish that I had a diagnosed mental illness... something to tell me that this soul-crushing feeling I have is more than just a tantrum. Hopeless.

Actually I feel okay when I'm not at work... but the whole walk to work I dread the day. And I'm at work and cranky and it's not fair to those around me.

I'm okay when I leave....

While I'm here though, I just feel crushed. I want to cry at the smallest frustrations. I don't understand why I can't think my way out of this funk. I'm trying to meditate on this verse today:

"Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? HOPE IN GOD, for I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God."

It's a feeling like I just can't do this again... but it stretches in front of me and it's endless. I have to do this again and again everyday forever.