Politically Homeless in Current Events

This entry is probably going to strike a nerve.

I have my own life to live. I have a good mind, good priorities and my own preferences and I want to go somewhere in a decent way and treat people in a right way and I want to connect and share experiences in a healthy way with healthy people. I don’t want to do it at the expense of my own self-respect.

I watch a lot of content about narcissism and how to survive narcissism because I’ve experienced a lot of narcissistic abuse in my time and I want to arm myself so I don’t get so wounded should it happen again. Also, I like to be aware of my own narcissism and my own tendencies to be toxic to others. I experienced something on here a few days ago that I have been witnessing a lot of in the media and I will get into that later but first let’s talk about narcissism a bit. We’ve all encountered it I’m sure. What narcissists want in life is control, dominance, superiority and have everything go according to their own gameplan. Their own preferences and cravings and desires. They’re self-absorbed and care only about themselves and want to make sure that you understand that so you can perpetuate and keep that game of theirs going. It’s like how an actor on stage says that they feed off the audience. It helps them dive deeper into their role. All they want from you is supply and to keep you engaged. I recognize how the rude and passive-aggressive I am being here but I’m just rushing. So here are few ways that these narcissists keep that game going:

-They argue with you. It is their way of saying that you have to listen to them because they are the ultimate
-They ignore you. It’s like punishment.
-They’ll always press their selfish agenda to keep you engaged in their priorities.
-Maintain double standards. What’s good for you is not always good for them and they don’t believe they are required to do what you are required to do.
-They become evasive. They’ll do anything really that helps them say that they are the primary person in the room today and everything has to go their way.
-They pay attention to no one’s needs but their own.

They’re pretty caught up in their own self-importance. Here are some common self-enamoured phrases they use to stress how significant and relevant they are to you so they can try and manipulate you into going along with them.
-I’m a big deal
-You need to have the same priorities as me
-No one understands life quite as I do
-You’d be better off if you just followed my commands
-I keep discovering more of your flaws
-I have to have the final word in all matters
-My needs are far more important than your needs
-If you disagree I’ll make you regret it
-Your feelings and perceptions and beliefs mean nothing to me
-I don’t have to be accountable to you or anyone else
-I could reveal awful things to the public about you that would make you look bad and feel embarrassed.

Personally I choose to disengage. I try to anyways. I fall for their traps all of the time. This is why I stay out of comment sections on social media. This is why I am not on social media at all actually. Why I don’t like to talk about my opinions, People’s egos are too hungry and I don’t want to get caught up in that.

So why am I bringing this up? Well, I’m on my own little journey that I share on here and I talk about how I managed to no longer belong to my identities. How I stopped agreeing to believe that we are all separate. That I am this in this body and you are that in that body. That I am now aware of how we are all born into this agreement where we all agree to believe that money is real, nations are real, we’re all separated by race, class, gender, creeds etc. The main job of spiritual guides throughout most history and cultures is to just help you realize how these do not exist. This cage is not real. Your body is just an accumulation of what you ingest and your mind is just an accumulation of impressions collected from your five senses. What you accumulate can be yours but it can never actually be you. You are not your body and you are not your mind. I’m trying to wake up from this 3D reality that we co-create because I want to experience life through a higher dimension. One outside of these polarities. I want to participate in this 3D without having to belong to it. It’s a hard concept to breakdown but that’s because I am a noob. People who operate like this are often looked at as mystic, magical people… or as a crazy new-age hippie who thinks they know everything but it’s just the journey I am on.

Anyways, on this journey of mine, I am at a point now where I am trying to reconnect to this world. I had to unlearn everything I believed so that I can move forward in a way that is not toxic for me. I am 100% responsible for everything that has ever happened to me, that is currently happening to me and that will ever happen to me. That is the truth that I have been hiding from. Responsibility does not mean fault, it does not mean blame. It just means that I have an ability to respond. There is a science on how to create misery, one in which every human being is an expert. The Blame Game. Passing the buck. Who is responsible for the way you are right now? Your genes? Your parents? Teachers? God? Government? You are responsible for all that you are and that is not a philosophical belief it is reality. Responsibility is not action, it offers you the whole choice of action. Your ability to act is limited but your ability to respond is not. Can I act upon everything in this world? No, but I can respond. I cannot control the outer world but I am 100% in control of my inner one. I can keep going about this but I’m only bringing it up so we can understand a bit of where I am coming from.

So why am I talking about narcissism and enlightenment in the same entry? I want people to be empowered as individuals. To free them from these invisible walls and cages and lead them to accept their true responsibility. That’s the only way one can control their own destiny. The only way out is in. That would be nice but I know it’s not likely going to happen for everybody. So lately I’ve been exploring politics, identity politics I believe is what they call it because I recognize a lot of my old beliefs when I see these “triggered leftists”. I too used to carry my complaints like a badge of identity. Now, I relate more to the “politically homeless”. The ex leftists. They didn’t really leave the left because the left… left them? Just for thinking freely or critically. I know this is going to sound gross but I recognize the narcissism whenever I see the “radical leftists” go at it. I recognize it because I used to share those beliefs and it created a disgust and envy over various groups of people that I no longer have. I discovered a term that I think sums it up in a way that I can understand. Narcissism of small differences. The simple version that I understand is just the need to find and even exaggerate small differences in order to preserve a feeling of separateness and self. These “radical leftists” seem to be using the same tools and games that narcissists use. They’re suffering and it’s all my fault and all my responsibility sort of thing. This is just a half-ass observation about this woke culture that I am noticing and that I am trying to understand. I’m a noob in this area too.

The reason I am so confused is that I made some observations about things that exist. About issues that exist anyways. It was treated as if I was defending the radical right or believing in everything they do. It would appear that I do not need to have a formulated opinion or a belief of any kind to become… anti this or that. I just need to think critically for one second to become a radical right trump supporter by default. You’re with us or against us. I am seeing how fast this woke culture turns on people and I don’t even need to leave it. It will leave me. Maybe I really am the bad guy? The narcissistic one who thinks he understands life better than everybody else? I dunno. I’m starting to realize that I might not be as agreeable as I once was. I don’t think I will get to stay a pacifist.

I have my eyes to see things my way
I have my mind to think for myself
I have my tongue to speak my truth
I have my hands to do my own work
I have my feet to walk my own path
I have my heart to share with whomever I choose