well. i had a hard weekend. emotionally. so evidently. in 2007: March 1: transferred fom FOD

so evidently. what happened back in may 2013 was drug poisoning. which makes sense why i was crying. i’m not someone who cries a lot, if i’m in pain so...........also i think i was just. really confused at the time. and scared. probably. and apparently. one of the signs of drug poisoning is stomach cramping. i don’t vividly. remember being in physical pain and thank god i don’t.
he didn’t. call anybody. this doesn’t upset me though it used to. for a long time it did. i mean it’s weird that he didn’t bc most people would have. but no it doesn’t upset me exactly. any more. i’m relieved he didn’t. bc that says to me he cared more about me then he did him. evan that is. [oh again. he’s still here.]. i wouldn’t have been happy if he had. er not that i was to begin w/ obviously............no well obviously. but yeah.
and it’s been 8 yrs. er it was yesterday. not 7 my bad. and apparently it was a sat. i keep getting that wrong. it was after dark so it must’ve been.........like after 8:30. maybe it was 9.
the thing. i still don’t get. like i remember him saying ‘ok you’re bleeding’ [and not from my period which i was on at the time] but like. why? i don’t think i fell.........i don’t think i’d accidentally cut my mouth/other. i could’ve i was pretty damn out of it............i mean i have my guesses but none of them quite match. like i said i kindof remember him giving me milk. which makes sense since evidently i was dehydrated. and that um hydrates a person better then water. i recently read. and i had low blood sugar. but why would i have milk? like i don’t like milk and didn’t back then. unless he went out and got it............but he wouldn’t have left me that night...........my only guess. is i would’ve gotten it to bake w/ and still had some left over. milk, of all things.
i remember.........we were in my bed..........and he said something to me about calling...........i can’t go into it right now. and i said ‘no!’. and then at some point i ‘woke up’............i um. sorry this is TMI. but i kept having to go to the bathroom. an insane amount it seems. which. i mean is good. also that i actually kept physically getting up.
i wrote a story about that once as part of fanfic. and now i want to find that..........but uh. maybe just not right now.
i still don’t remember where we/i slept the following night. the 4th which actually is today. i hope he got some sleep at some point after that bad night. apparently. according to him neither of us slept that night the night of the 3rd. again i’m not supposed. to remember all of the after right now.
oh right. so i had a hard weekend. emotionally. bc of that. i’m feeling better now. not great but better. kindof had a bad night sat. i kept calling numbers he’d called me from.............which i haven’t done in a long time. yeah i’m uh embarassed about it. this is why people should never. aside from business types. give me their number. and when i have it i save it in my phone that doesn’t work so i won’t do that. i’ve actually gotten a lot better about not doing it but yeah um. it’s. embarassing like i said.
um. right so something. people might know long time followers of my blog. [‘followers’ that’s a little creepy. since apparently we’re all grace kelly and jimmy stewart in ‘rear window’. no um.]. um. is that the yr. after on may 3, 2014. evan. actually went to the hospital. he called me i remember that. this was back when i was purging. i think he’d swallowed lightbulb filament.........he was more scared then i’d ever known him to be.........and his legs hurt. and that’s really all i know. last we talked about it which was some time ago he told me he didn’t remember. any more of it. yeah i remember that night. and i was scared. he survived obviously. but just. uh yeah. wow. so it’s been 7 yrs. since that. incident. yeah when he called me 5 a.m. on may 4th.............well like that whole day i was scared. and then a day or so a couple days later he called. thank god. and..........well anyway.
which. again is why. i’m happy not being his friend. cause it was exhausting and the example above is well. just one example of that. dear god. i love him i still do and i care about him but.............well. i’d go on but then i’d circle-talk so.