back to normal... kinda in A new start

My husband is a third shift worker normally but with this stuff going on he has changed shifts. He went from starting at 9 to starting at 4 so from grave to swing. Then a week later he was on days. He has been on days two weeks. Things were ok. I mean I hate waking up at 4:30 to make sure he wakes up. I hate staying awake until he leaves but I did it. Today he went back to swing. I enjoyed sleeping. I mean the ONLY good thing about the girls not being in school was I didn’t have to wake up. He found he liked days, he functioned better, so I might have to deal with the early wake ups. Oh and the drop in pay. I mean no differential and well he’s not in his position so who knows what that means. But whatever.

So I don’t voice my opinion much. My opinion is so opposite of almost everyone. My husband and I share ideals to a point. My kids understand to a point also. I lost the two most important people in my life to cancer many years ago. I love my kids and husband but they aren’t them. I would be sad if I lost someone I was related to, to a point, but I would move on. I don’t really have friends so yeah, I don’t care. If I were to get deathly sick with this crap just let me go, it is my time. The way I see it if I’m dieing of something natural like a sickness then let me go, if I’m dieing from an accident of some sort then save me.

I’m over this crap. I was irritated when my oldest’s field trip was cancelled but whatever. I was slightly upset that the grade school concert was cancelled. When they said no school until April 28 I was pissed. Swore off facebook and talking to anyone. Knew it was coming when they closed the school for the rest of the year but was still upset. Kind of wanted to cry when my oldest had to go empty her locker, two months early. Knowing she hasn’t been able to see many friends in the last month. Glad neither are seniors missing their last year with friends. Neither are at a promotion age. My youngest didn’t get to say good bye to her teacher before she went on maternity leave. They didn’t get to celebrate and have a baby shower. I know it’s selfish of me to be upset about all this but I am.

My birthday is in a month and I am hoping to be able to go to dinner. Not like it’s a big year or anything. Just celebrating freedom. There are talks of reopening but who knows when. There is going to be a gathering soon of people wanting the state reopened. I would join them but I hate big groups. People will argue you would rather save businesses than lives? Well, my second paragraph kind of touches on that… Save the businesses. From what I saw there already have been some gatherings.

I guess what I am really irritated about… they closed the parks from all this. Ok whatever, I want to go but whatever. Well, our state budget is torched right now so guess what they aren’t going to reopen parks for an undetermined time. I paid for a two year parking pass to state parks and it will be a waste of money for at least a quarter of the time I have it. I guess whatever it wasn’t much money but it could buy dinner.

We have two couples looking into financing for my house, last I heard. Haven’t heard anything in a few days. I guess I give up. Granted the last showing was only a week ago and it takes time to get with a lender so I shouldn’t give up. The thing is the place we want to buy. It is my friend’s house. They were going to move out east once we bought their house. Well a family member is letting them rent some of their land so they aren’t moving. I asked if we were still buying their place and it sounded like a yes but then I mentioned where they are going to live once we buy it and that was uncertain. So I’m concerned. I can’t find anywhere else to buy right now. So hopefully they ate least let us stay in their little guest house until we find somewhere to go or they do.

But hey on a positive note we got our stimulus check. Put some into a couple bills the rest is chilling in the checking account until further notice. Between tax return and consistent child support we are doing good. Even if the paychecks have been small. I think both dads will be almost caught up by the end of the year. It only took 5 years for that to be the case. So money is going good. If we get the asking price for the house money will be really good for a little bit, depending on the living situation.

Oh and more disappointment no puppies and no living kittens. We had two kittens born. Neither made it a day. Mom wasn’t interested. We tried with one, the other I think I was too late and it froze or suffocated. The one we tried to save the mom wanted on the cold laminate, not even close to her and she did not guard it. Sad day in our house but I didn’t think the kitten would live through the night so better it die sooner than later. I don’t think it ever nursed. Tried bottle feeding but I don’t think there was a latch. So yeah. Fun times.

I’m so full of sunshine and rainbows aren’t I?