theoretical argument in Second 1st

So yesterday.... Rocky randomly decides he wants to go run through a drive thru and he wanted to go to Academy sports to see about some ammo for his guns .... So, we drove to the sports store first. I told him I’d just hang out in the car and play games on my phone. No reason for us to both go in. I asked him not to take forever.... this means go in look at what you went in there for maybe ask the clerk at the counter but don’t spend 30 min talking to a stranger about shortages or the clerk about the latest model gun you like. We pulled in the lot and there was a huge line to get in. So he didn’t go at all .... thank God.... seriously.

He decided that while we were out we’d run through a drive thru (or 2) and get something to eat. Went to Wendy’s and got a family (50 nugget) that we were going to call dinner and eat while watching NCIS. We have 6 episodes left on season 1. Neither one of us really wanted a burger so we went to Arby’s (cause that’s so much better?) across the street.

The line at Wendy’s was huge.... and we had been having a Ïf I won the lotto”type conversation since we had left the house. His palm itched for some reason so it became the topic of choice.... $50,000… 200,000.... 2 million.... and then no more because while 50-200 would have been what I would do....

50 paying off student loan and other bills. 200 we’d pay the house off. When he started talking about 2 million he said he’d quit I said we could both quit and he said if we both quit it would only last us like 25 years..... ??? wait… what?… yes I was suddenly upset with him.... Hello I thought our goal was pay off the house and keep me home.... i thought that having an incurable disease that bothers me on the daily and generally makes it harder to do my current job was a massive push to do that. However, apparently if we won 2 million dollars he’d quit and I’d continue working because ÿou like your job” and “You (me) are about to have a mental breakdown because you are filing for unemployment”..... I told him I’d prepare for it because honestly I thought it was an end goal and not ïf you can still work you have to”.... so on days when I’m iffy I now have to play it up like it’s a bad day for him..... I don’t really want to some days I’m off.... I’m unwell but because I don’t have things I have to do it’s fine.... and there is no reason to complain about it.

I explained that to him. These last 2 months have been pretty great as far as Meniere’s and migraines go. I’ve had like 4 days with migraines.... days I push too hard or because of rain.... I’ve even been able to have more coffee :) (more than once cup a week) without really feeling it. I do have loud tinnitus and horrible foggy brain .... but if we are just gonna laze around and watch 6 hours of NCIS I see no problem with it. Doesn’t mean things are easier....

AND NOW? you are gonna compare NOW.... to if I didn’t have to work.... it’s not at all the same. Like I can’t go anywhere.... We haven’t done meets … I’m not listing things.... I can’t just go to the store.... or visit family.... when I don’t feel okay..... yeah I’m feeling the stress of being alone all day and I don’t think I could do that if I don’t work.... so we will get a dog.... I’ll feel a ton less lonely I know because I’m thinking about it now.... (won’t though because we are both on 12 hour weekend shift and I’m not taking my fur child to a daycare 3 days every week). not to mention the Unemployment stress wouldn’t even exist. Being home by choice and with support is not the same as being unemployed and not knowing. ....

I feel like.... I’ve been lied to in such an awful way.