1 month 4 days post op in Pudendal Decompression Surgery

Hey guys. I am kind of in a mental rut. But here I am. I wish there was a way to tell how many people are reading these entries, but there isn’t on PB. If you are coming from the PN facebook groups, welcome! Sorry you are thrown into this blog when I am doing so bad. And there wasn’t better news to report.

Some things that have been bothering me
1) Being completely useless
2) Not being able to continue to rule things out/ persue testing and what not to figure out what more could be wrong with me. I have always thought that there was more wrong than just this nerve thing. Mainly the digestive issues. Or something with metabolism.
3) Not knowing if this 1-2 years of prison is going to be worth anything.
4) Not being able to have goals or dreams anymore.
5) People complaining about the lockdown.
6) No change, not even small changes.
7) Not being confident enough to walk far distances
8) The constant questioning of EVERYTHING
9) Over sleeping to pass the time and get my mind off the pain
10) Not being able to get on a plane… OUT of IL
11) No reliable nerve pain relief. Nothing, nothing, nothing touches this nerve pain.
12) That this is 7 years of suffering. That some people have suffered DECADES with this nerve pain.

COVID 19 roars on
Virus damage report: 667,225 total confirmed in the USA, deaths: 32,868 and total recovered 54,378. About 579,979 of SICK or recovered/ missing data there. There is going to be a 3 phase program with re opening businesses. Even still, with masks and social distancing/virus paranoia well into the end of the year. I guess there are no dates here but TBD by each states governors. I believe IL’s will be well into May sometime. Restaurants, theatres, and sports arenas will be first but schools and bars or something will be remained closed. How to classify your business will be a new hot topic of discussion. Since I cant drive anywhere and the only thing I can do is have people over, I can’t put my parents at risk. So my physical lockdown will last way longer than everyone elses. I guess this is nothing new. Once again, thank you to everyone on the frontlines in healthcare and all the essential workers who are carrying this country on and carrying on themselves the best way they can.

Last updated April 17, 2020