Gone Girl in Everyday Ramblings

This was one of the top five most challenging things I have ever done in my life, making the decision when to put Stella down. And then remaining open about changing my mind if that was appropriate and trusting my judgment on how comfortable she was.

Cause you know cats are really good at masking how miserable they are.

Not trying to second guess myself, just hanging in there with full awareness of how uncomfortable and difficult making this decision and carrying it out is. Not trying to push it away but to be with it while I celebrated her curiosity and sweet very very catness.

Stella was the most cat-like cat I have ever known. She was 100% territorial girl cat.

Quintessential.

The picture is of her when she was two, taken about 8 years ago, a few days after Christmas. Most Honorable sent me her baby pictures electronically last week and there are pictures of her, little tiny kitten her, sleeping on Mr. Finch’s arm while he napped. Talk about your basic broken heart looking at those… so poignant.

My vet was wonderful. And even though I have doubted it every day for the last five weeks, Stella was ready. She didn’t give me a hard time about getting in the carrier and was compared to her usual feisty yowly self, okay with the whole thing. It was peaceful.

We brought her home so Sam could say goodbye and she will be buried next to my beloved namesake Noko under the blowsy pink peonies with a view of the cool area that used to be a pond that now has a soothing water feature.

Wow.

Life sure throws us some curve balls. I pray and believe that the goddesses that I have been getting to know lately in the Hindu realm will take good care of her.

While I hope against hope that I am reincarnated as a handsome brown tabby in a well resourced family I am thinking Stella, who fully explored and lived out her experience as a girl cat can now come back in human form.

Who knows? She might be better at getting to enlightenment than me.