I came in like a wrecking ball in My Unpredictable Life ...

Literally.

Me. A ringing telephone. Flannel pajama pants. A hardwood floor. A door jamb.

Go grab you some popcorn and candy and a drink, pull up your chair, and be prepared to be entertained.

There I was, sitting on the pot, cursing The Powers That Be for the worst 4 hours of sleep to date. This sinus infection is killing me. Between not being able to breath with my CPAP machine due to swollen nasal passages and then being able to breathe but said nasal passages were burning as if on fire, then add in the coughing till you puke episodes, then trying to sleep without the CPAP machine and the sleep apnea constantly waking me, yeah, sleep was not my friend this morning.

I admit defeat and crawl out of bed, again, to start my afternoon. My body decided a trip to the bathroom was needed as I sat down to eat a bowl of cereal.

As I said, there I was, sitting on the pot, cursing The Powers The Be. My body has finished and as I go to cleanse the area, the house phone rings.

Of course I do not have a phone with me, in the bathroom. So I cuss again, out loud, do a quick courtesy wipe, grab my drawers, and take off running for my bedroom to grab the phone.

Because you all know that I was waiting on a phone call for a possible job interview with a hotel I had dropped my resume off with the day before. And this could "possibly" be the call, but I won't know if I don't answer it, and I don't want to risk missing it.

I come running out the bathroom, with my bottoms wrapped around my thighs, held in place by one hand and I make a sharp turn to the right.

I run four feet and make a sharp turn to the right, again, only to find myself on the ground, wrapped around my door jamb, with all my weight on my right hip. By this time the second ring has just finished and I know I have to get to the phone before the answering machine picks up.

I go to stand up only to discover I can't, because oh holy hell my knees won't cooperate. You know that feeling you get when you bang your elbow in just the right place and it takes all your will power not to cry and piss yourself at the same time? Yeah, I had that in my knees ... both of them.

But I'm still determined to make it to the phone. I can't risk missing out on a job interview.

I start crawling to the phone.

Keep in mind that I am trying to speed crawl, to get to the phone before the answering machine picks up, in immense pain that is making the crawling next to impossible and making the pain ten times worse. My flannel pajama pants, complete with my underwear, is still wrapped around my thighs. Yes, my bare fat ass is swinging in the wind with each painful sway of my hips.

I discovered that I had used my left forearm to block my face from hitting the door jamb because son of a bitch it hurt putting my weight on it as I was crawling. And son of a biscuit eater, damned if I didn't use my right hand to help break my fall because it hurt all the way up to my shoulder.

As I'm crawling, I'm thinking to myself, "If this is a damn telemarketer calling, I will reach through the phone and rip their effin' throat out with my pinky finger!!"

But never fear! I made it to the phone, on my hands and knees, right after the 4th ring! And praise be to coffee, it was the hotel!!

So in between not crying, trying not to sneeze, cough or hack in the man's ear, I make arrangements for the job interview at 9am tomorrow (Tuesday).

I hang up the phone, make my way slowly back to the bathroom, finish cleaning myself and sat there for I'm sure a good ten minutes crying my eyes out. Between the illness, the lack of sleep, and most recently the intense pain of my fall, it couldn't be helped.

I eventually make it back to my now luke warm, soggy cereal and commence to dump it out, and cry some more.

My afternoon/evening/night steadily went downhill from there.

But I will save all that for another entry. I may or may not write it tonight. But when I do, it will be in the "Friends Only" book.

Now that I have entertained you, I will close for now. I went on a cleaning spree at work and have now left myself with nothing to do. I'm going to go research the hotel that I have the interview with and then get caught up on all of you with your latest entries. I may or may not leave a note. You have been warned lol.

Till next time ....