Down in Current Events
- March 29, 2020, 8:29 a.m.
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- Public
I’m really struggling with my depression today. It started yesterday actually and I can’t seem to shake it. I’m not thinking anything but I’m just feeling everything instead. If that makes sense? I’m not letting it make my choices but I do have habits that I have to be conscious about. A habit is a tendency and a tendency is an action that requires no nurture. I catch myself trying to listen to sad music. I catch myself scrolling through images of attractive men to torture myself with my insecurities. I’m craving alcohol. I seem to want to open my arms to these negative feelings and become consumed by them. Yesterday I managed to keep my promises to myself even though it was hard to force myself to do anything. I should have seen this coming as this always follows high anxiety. I’ll be okay. I’m just feeling trapped like everybody else right now. I went for a cute little 4km run yesterday. It took all day to build up to it. I just wanted to lay around and be a bum.
Speaking of bums. I was looking at transformation videos again and I came across this one. This kid took the words right out of my mouth. I am gagged because I would die to look like him and here is just as insecure and fucked up as I am. I’m also flustered because he’s so my type. That mouth yo lol. I haven’t been pushing myself hard enough on my fitness journey. Heck, I still haven’t even seen my face in the mirror all year. That’s one part imposter syndrome and two parts insecurity. Looking at my face has never been a good time… without filters and photoshopping. Man, if I could afford plastic surgery I would get this guys mouth. Anyways, I should go find something to do with my life today.
Edit
Apparently my depression is going to full send today. Learning about Italy’s status with COVID-19 broke my heart. They’re at the point where they’re taking seniors off ventilation to save younger victims. I also learned that we can catch COVID twice? What’s the use of a vaccine then? Man. I’m losing faith here
Last updated March 29, 2020
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