Working My Nerve in Current Events

My nerves were shot this morning. I struggled with my depression all weekend which I should have seen coming as this happens after I experience high anxiety. What triggered that spike in anxiety was my shopping experience on Friday. I was dreading today because I was aiming to do my big haul. I knew it was going to be a stock day so I went there straight after seniors hour and made my way to a few stores to stock up on TP. There are five of us in this house so I’m not sorry about stockpiling. I absolutely needed to get there to get my prescription filled. Everything went pretty smooth if I do say so myself. There are no dried dates anywhere and I’ve been hunting them down for weeks. Ok, I’m not trying that hard. That’s my only drama for the day.

I have to tackle my resume and my finances today. Like, why do I let my anxiety take me away from that? Once I Netfile my taxes I’ll get a decent tax return and I’ll be good to go for a few months. I should be trying to apply for EI… I keep telling myself that I don’t qualify but I have nothing to lose by at least trying. My problem with my taxes is that I have to call CRA because I don’t know if I’m supposed to claim my RRSP’s even though I liquidated them later on in 2019? I have the receipts for them from the first half of the year and I don’t know if I’m supposed to claim that or not. I’ll just call them tomorrow first thing. Get that over with.

I’ve been over-exercising again. I don’t know what else to do. Also, I’ve been doing that toxic thing and looking at fitness models so that I can hate my body after. I put on a motivational speech video this morning because I’m lame like that and somebody said how vanity is not a bad reason to get into fitness. Just learn to fall in love with the process. I feel like that is what is happening. However, it’s a slippery slope for me to fall into obsession. Can I blame gay culture for my insecurities? No! I can’t… So yeah, I feel a lot better today but only because I don’t feel horrible. I didn’t let my depression slow me down too much on the weekend. I did get knocked off my ass for a few hours though and I just laid in bed. My mind was hurting, just my soul? lol ok, I’ll get on with it then