Call It in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Call me a broken record, but I’m seriously reconsidering some things.

The hate mail I was talking about? Is because I live in an Agriculture State so that the laws specifically treat Livestock Neglect very softly. So… horses. The law expressly states that neglect is a single action. So if you have 192 animals and neglect all of them… I can only charge ONE count of neglect… and it is not a “prison” offense. These facts tend to send the general public into an absolute frenzy. And since it is easier to call me a terrible attorney, demand I get fired, and aggressively question whether I have any heart at all… as opposed to understanding the law and/or electing people to the legislature that can change the law… I get to be the abuse puppet. It got so bad last week that I even started having nightmares about it.

On top of that… our county has its first Confirmed Case of COVID19. And within 36 hours, one case became three. That isn’t as dramatic as some areas obviously, but it got the attention of MOST of the government officials around here that were saying “This is a city issue, not something rural counties need to worry about.” Unfortunately, my boss… is still on the fence about how seriously to take all of this. He had everyone work from home on Friday (one day) but thinks that was sufficient to keep people safe. We’re all supposed to be back in the office on Monday. DUDE… I am already on an assisted breathing apparatus so that I don’t die in my sleep. I’ve been required to use that for a year now. I’m not exactly hoping to get put into the waiting list for people begging for ventilators because they’re dying for oxygen and we don’t have enough to go around. The judges aren’t going into court and are all working from home… why aren’t we?

Meanwhile, I feel like the timing on all of this couldn’t have been worse… or more potentially a maybe omen. Because you see… I was planning on getting through these rough first months of my separation by seeing family and friends more! Because, you see, the absolute lack of affection, kind words, and physical touch from my Wife would be replaced by hugs, fun, and camaraderie thereby not only distracting me from any angst or anguish but also replacing what I’d been missing and reinforcing the notion within me that I could get that and deserved that. But… now… you know… right? I’m not so narcissistic to believe anything happens because of me when it comes to something like earthquakes, floods, or pandemics. At the same time, though? I can’t help but feel a cosmic bent to all of this. I wanted a relationship with kind words, co-equal effort, physical touch, and mutual attraction. My marriage wasn’t that. I finally start to make moves to extricate myself from that situation; establishing a very real plan to prevent my worst impulses from taking control… at exactly the same time that the world is dealing with an illness of such a scale that some places are banning gatherings of more than 5 people. So I’m sitting here angry with myself for honestly beginning to think that I may have made a mistake. Which is even more foolish because as Martha comes here sometimes to see the dog, we engage in conversation. And her incessant interrupting, her constant refusal to pay attention when someone else is talking, her general inability to exist in a world where she isn’t the center of attention is.... oh my! So that’s where I am in all of this right now. Almost desperate for human touch and a sincere emotional connection… while realizing I cannot and will never get that from Martha… but having zero potential or available substitution.

So yeah. Nothing new under the sun. Me just being a broken record. My community is sending me hate. My boss is being controlled by party politics which require him to behave as though COVID19 will be “gone by Easter”. And my personal sense of loss, loneliness, and desperate need to be touched and/or loved is making me consider asking Martha to come back despite knowing how bad of a decision that would be. And none of this information is new. This is all repeat of what has been going on. In truth… I am getting very depressed by all of it.

Meanwhile… will Party Politics take a back seat while COVID is decimating the globe? NOPE. So… we continue to be a local government trying to suck the President’s cock despite how dangerous that shit is.
https://www.newsandguts.com/for-donald-trump-this-is-still-a-reality-show/?fbclid=IwAR2aXHHxdxeTAm5ATbqm6pkr5IyY2SDp8YlFZJj7wVcURa8BusTWbm1IeRk