Staving Off in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

Okay… shit. Staving off depression is kind of hard in these times.

Our country is being run by addle-brained homunculi who are about fifteen days away from announcing compulsory service in the Soilent Green Directive.

While my State Governor is honestly trying her best to stay ahead of this damned COVID19 crap… my own local government is doing a piss poor shit ass job of it, largely because of my own boss’ biased, bullshit insistence that this isn’t really that big of a deal.

In the middle of the world going topsy turvey, I’m still doing an adequate job of doing my job but because people now believe that their opinions and emotions matter more than actual fucking facts and laws… I’m feeling more hated than ever. Defendants hate me. The Public hates me. Victims hate me. Imagine doing a job where, apparently, the less someone knows you- the easier it is to NOT hate them? Now input the modern issues we’re all facing. People are scared, angry, confused. And I am already a person that is (apparently) damned easy to hate since I try to (1) hold people accountable for their illegal activities but (2) can only do so to the extent of the written law. So no… yeah… I’m an easy guy to hate and doubly so in these times of trouble.

AND… if that wasn’t enough… lest we forget this is the month that my estranged Wife moved out of the house. So… while her presence here was certainly stressful and typically unpleasant (not to mention selfish and unhelpful)… it is worth noting that whatever support she offered while she was here is now decidedly absent.

And… while life is typically a matter of perspective… a funny point of view occurred to me today. Y’all have been saying not to worry about Tinder or Bumble at all because we’re all Social Distancing and Self-Quarantining. Which… from a certain point of view makes sense. But here’s the counter argument… if you were stuck inside your house and not able to communicate with as many people as you normally would… wouldn’t you swipe right on everyone if for no other reason that to just… chat online with them? Like… this isn’t COVID Dating… this is Self-Quarantine means you use the internet more to communicate with others and this is the time where, romantic interest or not, you swipe on everyone to have conversations going on to stave off boredom, depression, and cabin fever. So… when the choices are “Swipe right on this CK guy and have a conversation… or swipe left on this CK guy and keep looking for something to do while I’m stuck at home”...... the fact that so many consider “doing nothing” preferable to “having a conversation with” me… that gets to me, too.

So… and this is NOT pity and NOT just being a whiny bitch… from a certain point of view:

I’m massively fucking up as a lawyer… after having failed to keep my marriage from falling apart… while surviving a global pandemic… where people would rather stare at paint dry than have a conversation with me. That uh.... that seems to be where I am these days.