Another Sunday in 2014

It's Sunday, and that means that it's time to write. As for what to write about? Well, to be honest, I don't know. I haven't really managed to get that far ahead of the game. There isn't a lot on my mind these days, and there isn't a lot on my mind at the moment. Granted, after last week's entry I was pretty worked up, and I wanted to write more, but I've mellowed quite a bit since then. I think today will probably be something of a status report entry, which I've always tried to shun in the past. I now realize that having a detailed record of what you've done and what's been going on in your life is probably a good idea. The difficulty is that they're not terribly fun to write.

The big news of the week is that my dear friend Mr. Wang died. Or, rather, I got confirmation that he died some time ago, which I've suspected. I don't feel as bad as I feel that I should, but it's hard under the circumstances. I was worried about him alone and lonely in a hospital bed somewhere languishing. I was fairly certain he was in bad health, at least. It was the only explanation as to why he had missed three months of English Corners when before he'd only ever missed a week. From what we've gathered, he died of a stroke on New Year's Day. Gone instantly. Eighty six years old, after (presumably) a family gathering. I suppose that, where deaths are concerned, that's the best you can hope for, really. No ill health, no suffering. Just gone. Peacefully. I'll miss him, but, in a strange, terrible, selfish way, it's also something of a consolation. I was so sad at the notion of leaving him, knowing he'd die while I was away. At least I got to see him near the end, though it makes me wish I'd gone to that last English corner more than ever. Still, at least I don't have to say goodbye, pretending that we'll meet again and knowing we won't. Of course, the best thing would have been if he simply lived another decade.

I finally worked up the courage to weigh myself, and, by one kilogram, I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. The good news is that the weather is improving, and the air was decent a few days recently, so I'm feeling a lot healthier. I'm also happier, because I'm going home, and I'm more motivated to do things because I'm going home. Hopefully I can drop 5 kilos in the 6 weeks before I leave. That'd be lovely. I'll still be too fat, but it'll be a bit better.

My sleep was pretty good when I was sick. Since then, the insomnia has been pretty bad. I think I also understand mum's long held belief that video games are bad for sleep. She always told me that it was impossible for me to turn my brain off after I played, when I assured her that they relaxed me and helped me to calm down enough to sleep. Well, I've been playing a lot of Age of Empires II these days, and, sadly, I find it's not so relaxing as it was. In fact, last night, as I laid on the couch trying to sleep, I had scenes from the game playing through my head. For whatever reason, probably the game among many others, I could not shut off my brain last night. I ended up eating more than I should have just trying to distract myself. I need to stop medicating with food.

I think that one nice thing about having been in China this long is that my mystical connection to my house is pretty well broken. I mean, it's still there, and it's still a big part of me, but I no longer feel the anxiety I used to feel when I left. I talk about how The Starlight was one of the only places where I ever felt comfortable or at home. Well, one of the reasons was because it's one of the only places I went to regularly. I used to hate going to friends' houses, or basically anywhere, really. I always felt such anxiety in unfamiliar places. Even in nominally familiar ones. Or, if I were in a place, I felt the need to get out as quickly as possible. For whatever reason simply not being in a familiar place, or, being in a relatively familiar place at an unfamiliar time was enough to make me unable to enjoy anything, or to relax, or to feel any real enjoyment. Now, granted, there were a few exceptions. My week in Utah was nice, but that was vacation. Somehow, in real life, I just couldn’t be out of the house. I even felt like that, to a lesser extent, in the miserable time between college and China. I think China’s done a lot to teach me to just go out and go places and do things sometimes, and I think that’s a lesson that I’ve really needed. I certainly have desire here, the problems tend to be ones of opportunity and health.

When I go back, I have a lot of things that I plan on doing, and a lot of things that I may do. Some of the things I’m going to do are things I’m not thrilled about. I don’t like the ideas that my mum has about my health, but, if I’m going to maintain the family’s good graces/money, I’m going to have to agree to her suggested treatments. Hopefully, between what I want, what works, and what the family wants, I’ll make something good happen after all.

Things I Will/Have to Do:

1. Paleo/Gluten Free Diet. My mom remembers that I had stomach problems a kid (stress related and cured when my brother moved out). She knows that I have stomach problems now. She forgets the period of about a decade where I didn’t have stomach problems. She’s decided that I have a long standing problem, and that I have to try these two things to get better. Well, she’s buying the food. Guess I’d best.
2. Exercise. My plan is to do weight training four times a week, swimming five times a week, and walking for (at least) an hour a day for a month. Once I’ve done that, I want to add in Yoga. There’s also been some talk of dance classes (if I get my birthday wish) but I think I’d rather do those after I’ve been hitting the gym for a month.
3. Japanese Studies. I’ve already tracked down the textbooks I need/want. I just need to get them. I can’t really do that until I’m back home and have my money in USD. Since getting sick, my Japanese studies have tapered off. I plan to resume them on Monday.
4. Starlight Stuff. I think that I’ve decided that what the theater needs more than anything else is more talent. Specifically, more talented people in every capacity, cast, techies, crew, marketing, management, and all that jazz. To that end, my goal is to go around promoting the place and trying to increase audition turnout. That’s another reason I don’t want to do yoga for an extra month. I need to hit up more than a dozen schools for all their theater classes sometime in May.

I figure these are four reasonable goals and priorities. They’ll be hard, but I think I can do them. Now, let’s talk about some of the possibilities.

Possible Things I May Do/Should Do

1. Harp Lessons. Mrs. Bartlett is old, frail, and starting to go mentally. The consensus seems to be that she needs a new harp student to help her to stay mentally active. That will probably end up being me. That’s fine by me, and it sounds like this may be a perfect deal. She gets a kind of caretaker who won’t offend her dignity. I’d get free harp lessons.
2. Other Music. I need to get back into my various other instruments, and, maybe, pick up a new one (if harp doesn’t pan out). Mum wants me to learn guitar or banjo. I’ve got the ukulele and the sax still, and a clarinet is acquirable. I’d like to get back into music more.
3. Voice. I’d like to move up in the world and get a different voice teacher. The ones I’ve had before were quite good, but there’s another one, nearer to the house, whose students are amazing. There’s some talk of me getting to study with her.
4. Writing more. Since the Spring Festival illnesses, I haven’t written much, which means that my Amanda penance has lapsed. I kept it up past October, which was the initial end date, but I’m disappointed to have stopped. The problem is, my health has been bad pretty consistently for the last three months. The PM 2.5 today was around 250, which is five times the healthy dosage. I woke up today coughing and sneezing. It’s hard to see, it’s hard to breathe. It’s hard to write, or do much of anything, when you’re like that.
5. Go more places. I want to go to parks. I want to see and do things in Michigan that I didn’t used to ever see or do. I’ll be doing more things FOR The Starlight, but, hopefully, fewer things AT The Starlight. That’ll give me more time to go out and see and do things that I’ve wanted to.

The entry has collapsed under the weight of its own dullness. Hopefully I’ll write something interesting before next Sunday.