Sadness On My Back in Current Events

You know that feeling you get when a sad song comes on and speaks to your soul? That’s how I feel after my lunch breaks. No song triggers me but instead, I am triggered by thoughts of my previous work situation and it send me into a dark place. I’m not letting it affect my work but it is affecting my relationships with everybody as I shut down and sink into myself. I think that I have some PTSD from the narcissistic abuse that I suffered. The direct retaliation I endured when I reported that predator etc. I appear to have a belief that I’m fighting for my job. That my managers are going to explode or talk to the staff about me behind my back. The climate so far is non-toxic… much like a lot of our products. They have a very healthy level of women in decision making roles and that inspires a lot of confidence about the work culture. I do seem to have the respect of everybody. I’m well-liked because of my charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent. .. well maybe not because of that exactly.

Even though I feel like I am struggling to understand everything I do feel like I am catching on pretty fast. I’m not failing I’m learning. My restaurant days appear to be over. Just as I was wondering if I was making enough of an impression to get extra shifts I was approached to pick some up next week. They had 30+ people that they could have asked so yeah, I think that I made myself dependable and valuable enough to get first pick.

I’m not thinking too big about my future just yet. When I think I sink. I have to break it up into doable pieces. I’m going to Follow One Course Until Success and then move on to the next thing. Right now I’m just trying to get enough job security so that Toni and I can move in together. Then I will start thinking about school.