well. i had a busy weekend. carpet thing. and emily. in 2007: March 1: transferred fom FOD

i don’t usually which is why this is of note.
so. [and this is long and drawn out although. which seems redundant and apparent] on fri. i had a new carpet put in my rm. er rather there was. a new carpet in my rm. which i knew there would be bc the lady had noted me earlier in the wk. [and i read the note bc it wasn’t folded] she was going. to ‘place’ one in my rm. fri. she can’t be direct and state ‘put’? really?
um. so prior. to that. i got most of the stuff out of my closet. well the suitcases, boxes and big laundry basket. and put them in my rm. at the end of my bed. bc i figured she was going to put the carpet in my closet.
right well she did. it’s not like a huge issue or anything. it’s just that. she didn’t put the things. at the end of my bed back exactly the way i’d left them. and she has to. and to people who think ‘oh she doesn’t have to’ no. you don’t understand. it’s not a choice. it’s a compulsion. from me.
there were a few spots on my closet floor that didn’t look as good as they used to. but the orig. carpet isn’t like. horribly discolored or anything. it doesn’t look that bad. really? that’s her biggest problem? wow that’s kindof sad. to me. i really don’t think i needed another carpet. in there/my rm. ..........that much. and that’s why bc it doesn’t look that bad. [not asking for her side.]. ok actually. i um. as mentioned i have suitcases. in my closet and the zipper broke on one. and so i had another suitcase stacked on top of that one. so that it would be harder for her to go through/at. bc i don’t trust her. but they were um. ..............horizontal. and i think the pressure of the one on top of the other. put pressure on the floor to where. it caused dents and the carpet wasn’t as soft. but that’s really it.
so when i got back fri. night. i spent 3 hrs. putting most of the stuff back exactly the way i had it.
well so then uh. last night i think it was [or maybe it was this morning] well. the giant carpet is one of those shag ones. it’s blue. i really don’t need a carpet that ginormous if my rm. if the floor in my rm. doesn’t look that bad. that’s not a good enough reason to have one.........if it doesn’t look that bad. [i’m not saying it looks perfect. but 70 - 90% of it looked ok. it’s wall to wall btw. the orig. carpet not the new blue one] i. took the trouble. to rearrange it [and that dude is heavy the shag. luckily i’m strong. it’s weird: i’m not usually a hard worker........except apparently when it comes to having things in my rm. exactly the way i want them] and like. flatten it.
ok so. sorry i know this is probably confusing. no but. on. i think fri. it was. i’d rearranged the carpet to get it out. from under my bed cause at the foot of my bed under the. bedframe was over part of the carpet and it made. the bed higher then i wanted it to be. and i didn’t like that. um. so that’s why i moved it. out from under the bed. [had to move the dresser that’s by my bed. to in front of the closet........take things out. of the dresser prior to that. so yeah it was a fairly long 3 hrs. on fri. night. put the dresser back, stuff back in. it.........]. um. so then. this morning i think it was. i flattened the carpet. the new one. um. i’d put it to where it was to the left of my bed if someone’s in my bed. cause before i’d. flattened it it felt like walking on a water bed. or what i imagine it’d feel like. all lumpy and weird. which involved. moving my mattress off, my bed. then moving the. box spring onto its side. to where it was standing. so i could lift the um. bed frame and put. most of the carpet under. my bed. cause lumpy. and putting both those things back. as well as the things that were actually on. my bed. yeah like i was really going to ask for help w/ that. that’s funny.
also. for security reasons as well that’s why i. flattened it. like if i were to have to exit my rm. really quickly, for some reason.
oh yeah so. at some between fri. - this morning. well. when she put the new carpet on. my floor. she’d put it too close to the door so when opening the door it gets stuck. and so i moved it to where. the door wouldn’t. get stuck.
alrite. so now onto the closet. well i keep bottles of beverages in my closet. flavored water, bottled tea. [i don’t feel up to explaining why so please don’t ask me to.]. well. when she’d put another furry black small. well i guess it would be a rug. actually. she put it to where i leave. my um. beverages. and so were. i to put my beverages on the small rug. they wouldn’t stand upright and i don’t like that. so. i had to move the suitcases out of the closet again...... [wouldn’t it be easier to just like. not, do that? yeah but i have anxiety so. i’ve already explained this connection in prior entries so] and rearrange that. carpet to where it didn’t. cause that problem but also. provide a cover for where. the suitcase dents are. and then put everything back. again.
oh btw. i broke my bed. not like out of spite. now i’m not a large woman. by any means. i’m of average height but small. no well. the bed frame...........it slid out of the. um footboard on the left side if someone’s in my bed. and i don’t know where. the..........metal things that secure that part went. it should be an easy fix once i get the parts to do that. like it’s not a huge deal. to me. well anyway. i moved part of the new carpet and put that. under that part of the bedframe the broken part. so now it doesn’t um. slant.
oh i also rearranged my drawers. which has nothing to do w/ the whole carpet saga. every so often i do. rearrange them.
so yeah. like i said i had quite a busy weekend. oh and for those about to give advice: again. don’t.
alrite so onto the emily thing. well at some point in the last 2 wks. i’d gotten a note stating she was going to come thurs. right yeah cause that’ll work so well. well on mon. i emailed her and cancelled the appt. which. i don’t know i’d ever personally emailed someone in ‘the circle’ [again. not up to explaining] and like. actually cancelled. anyway so on thurs. she called the lady and i talked to her. emily. and emily’s ‘so can i come and see you next wk.?’ i don’t know can she? she’s not ray charles. and she doesn’t need to ask my permission i mean this isn’t 3rd grade. [i’m not asking why she does this btw. i think i can figure it out] uh anyway. and i’m like ‘yeah wed. works’ well. i have no intention of seeing her this wk. at all. but. i am going to email her early um. tom. morning like super early like 2. and cancel on her. but also tell her when i’m available. and right now. the only day is mon. cause i’m rigid as hell.
i don’t like her to begin w/. so that makes it harder to like. go to the meetings. she’s. an intense person and that doesn’t work for me. i’m really quiet and mellow and low key. and she is. not. she i think. is one of those people who on her days off is ‘i’m going to get up at 5 a.m. and go running on the beach for 2 hrs. and then have breakfast and read the paper and then make a phone call and.......do 15 things by lunchtime!’ dear god. no. holy fuk tone it down. holy crap. [we don’t have a beach here actually. but my point being.]. but ya know. sometimes personalities don’t work. and it’s neither of our faults............[see above. for what i said about advice.].
neither of those things are like. real problems, the carpet thing or the emily thing. no i get that i know. but a lot of the things i talk about. aren’t um. real problems, as it were.